Higher Education
by LerDan
Summary: Sam/Lucifer.Higher Education. IN-PROGRESS: rated M.AU.slash.OC.TA.co-written with Dee: Sam Winchester is embarking on his college experience. When an opportunity to take on extra classes presents itself, he jumps at the chance. But is it because of a new love of literature, or because his new Lit professor is sinfully gorgeous?
1. Welcome to Palisades Community College

**Hey hey hey! look who's back? MEEE! ^_^**

**HAI :D so! I haven't written anything for about a year now, and I apologize for that, but writer's block and all that crap, you know it. Anyways, new story! yay! it just came out of nowhere and I thought I'd try to write it, I had to get through the block now, right? So, here's a new story, co-written with a friend of mine, Dee, who has been a great help to me and I'm really grateful for that! (say hi to her) and she is my Beta, and she's awesome at that ^_^**

**Summary: Sam Winchester is embarking on his college experience. When an opportunity to take on extra classes presents itself, he jumps at the chance. But is it because of a new love of literature, or because his new Lit professor is sinfully gorgeous?**

**Warning: male/male. slash. teacher!Lucifer, student!Sam. Major character death...**

**Pairings: Sam/Lucifer, Dean/Cas.**

******Cover photo: You can find the link to my profile.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own ANY of the characters. If they were mine, believe me, I'd have them to be shirtless all the time and they'd be all over each other in no time, but sadly, they aren't. So we are stuck with fanfictions to sate our thirst for that^.  
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**PS: I don't know when I'll update the chapters, because I just finished writing the first one. Hopefully, you'll stay with me till the end :)**

**Enjoy and PLEASE R&R. We're expecting any kinds of reviews, but PLEASE be gentle. My old readers know how I get when someone says something mean.**

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**Chapter 1: Welcome to Palisades Community College**

"Are you nervous about your first day of uni, Sam?" asked Bobby as he looked down at the work that Dean was doing to a car.

"Kind of, yeah. I mean, it's my first day at the university. Of course I'm nervous."

"Nah, there's nothing to worry about, Sammy. You'll be great," Dean said as he stood up from his hunched up position to straighten his back. "You're gonna love it there; more than high school in fact. There are bunch of hot people on campus. Fair warning; don't you even think about looking at Cas or I'll skin you." It was Dean's second year at the University for Mechanics and mathematics; though he was literally zero in mathematics, he still loved working with cars and such. So he was fine with what he was studying.

"Dude, you've been after that guy for as long as I can remember. Why don't you be a big boy and make a first move?"

"Have you seen his brothers?"

"Don't tell me that his brothers scare you, Dean."

"No! They don't. They're just…creepy. I mean, have you seen Balthazar? Or Gabriel, even? They're big and menacing and and gah! Shut up, Sam." Dean grumbled and went back to his work as Sam laughed at his brother.

"Have you boys decided on how you're gonna pay for the uni?" asked Bobby as Sam calmed down from his laughing fit.

"Uhm..I got a scholarship, and Dean has a loan…I still don't know how you're gonna pay it back," said Sam and looked at Dean with a furrowed brow.

"I work and I have money, I can take care of it in no time." He said lightheartedly, but they both knew that it was just an act. He couldn't even afford to buy himself a new jacket (he was still wearing his dad's old battered leather jacket) and Sam, knowing better, didn't ask him more questions about it.

"What are you going to study then?"

"Commercial Law," said Sam. "It's the body of law that applies to the rights, relations, and conduct of persons and businesses engaged in commerce, merchandising, trade, and sales. It is often considered to be a branch of civil law and deals with issues of both private law and public law. I'd want to become a private lawyer, so I can help you with your business Bobby."

"Really?" asked Bobby. "Why wouldn't you choose a profession that you like or-"

Sam held up his hand, "Bobby! I want to study it. I like it. If I didn't like it, I wouldn't choose it in the first place."

Bobby just frowned and shook his head, muttering "idjit" under his breath. Sam only smiled at that. He was used to Bobby's outbursts. And he loved him no matter what. He was like the dad he never used to have.

John and Mary had died in a car crash 10 years earlier, leaving their kids homeless and parentless. Bobby had been willing to give them a home and a roof to stay till they were at the age when they could take care of themselves. While Dean dropped out of high school, half-way through the semester, Sammy never stopped going to school, because Dean demanded him. He wanted for Sam to have everything that he couldn't have. And an education was at the top of the list. When Sam graduated from high school he didn't go to university, saying that he wasn't ready to go and he wanted to find a job for him so he can help Dean out with some of the loans that they had.

Helping Dean with money actually gave him ideas of what he wanted to study. That's why he chose to become a Lawyer. After some heated arguments between the boys on the subject of studying (Dean forcing Sam to apply to university, Sam refusing), Dean agreed on whatever his brother wanted him to do and applied at the university. That only meant one thing: getting a student loan and not knowing when or how to pay it back. And Dean refused to let Bobby help him out a bit, being proud was a characteristic of Dean that he couldn't simply ignore.

When Dean got enrolled in university, Sam agreed to enroll the next year. When Dean asked why not this year, Sam's answer was simple "Because I need to study and get ready for the exams for the scholarship. If I fail those, I won't get the chance of actually going to university." Dean only rolled his eyes at his nerdy brother and walked out of the room.

That was a year ago, now it was time for Sam to go tomorrow. He was excited, nervous and couldn't wait for it to begin. He asked the usual questions to Dean, and received the same answer every time.

"Do the classrooms provide their students with the equipment they'll need?"

"If you mean if they have books scattered all over the place, then yeah, they do."

Sam ignored it and asked another question. "What do you think of the professors?"

"Like I said, they are all the same cold-hearted bitches that we knew from high school. There's no difference from the previous ones. But I really hate that Lit professor. He is an ass."

"Why do you say that?"

"Cos he's been giving me a hard time; he knows that I don't give a crap about his class but he still insists that I write a fucking essay for him. I don't like him. You saw what he looks like. Fucking creep."

Sam furrowed his brow, trying to remember what he looked like, "Is it the one with dirty blond hair, wide shoulders, tall-ish, and with glasses?"

"Yeah, that's the one. I hate him."

"He is hot," said Sam with a shrug which earned him a glare from his brother and a chuckle from Bobby.

"Alright boys, enough talk. Dean go back to work, Sammy, go and finish packing. Make sure you pack everything, not like this guy over here who came back here every day collecting something he forgot."

"Hey, it's not my fault I keep forgetting what I needed!"

Sam laughed at his brother and shook his head, "Alright I'll go and pack. Spaghetti for dinner?"

"Yeah, sure." Answered Bobby and smiled at Sam, as Sam nodded and walked out of the garage and into the house.

"Dean," Bobby said his fatherly tone at full force. "I want you to know that, even though you hate someone just because you do, that doesn't mean that you're going to force Sam do the same. Let him live his life. He will make friends in no time, you know how he is."

Dean sighed and wiped his hands over a towel. "Yeah I know Bobby, but I just…I don't want him to be friends with wrong guys."

"It's not really up to you to decide who is wrong and who is right for him, right? He'll know. And besides, it's his professor. I doubt there'll be anything between them other than student/teacher relation."

"Yeah," nodded Dean and sighed, going back to his work.

* * *

Sam looked at himself in the mirror and puffed out a breath of air that he was holding in. His hair was tousled, bangs covering his forehead. He was wearing his old gray t-shirt, with worn out jeans and sneakers. He had a light jacket on too. Despite the fact that it was only September, it was already cold outside, though it was sunny too. Sam checked his teeth again, nervously ruffled his hair and walked out of the bathroom and down the stairs where Dean was waiting for him.

"Ready?" asked Dean as he saw Sam. Sam only nodded.

Bobby was outside fixing the tires on the Impala. He stood up and looked down at his work. "She should run alright from now."

"Thanks Bobby," said Dean as he loaded the truck with their things. There were only 4 bags, two of them held Sam's possessions; which were mostly books. He walked the other way around the car and climbed in and started the car. "C'mon Sammy, we gotta go."

"Yeah coming," said Sam back as he hugged Bobby goodbye.

"Good luck, kiddo," Bobby muttered and Sam smiled at him.

He climbed in on the passenger seat and Dean took off. The car ride was mostly silent. Dean's music taste hasn't changed one bit. He still listened to Metallica, or AC/DC, or some other band. Sam didn't mind them, but he wished his brother would sometimes listen to other things too.

Sam sighed and looked out of the window. They were getting closer to the university and he couldn't help the rising butterflies that swamped inside his belly. What if he didn't blend in with the guys? What if they hated him just because he was a nerd? Well, he hoped that people wouldn't make fun of him because he really wanted to blend in.

He bit his lip as Dean rounded the corner and was at the university's parking lot. Dean cut off the engine and stepped out of the car, a big smile on his face as he greeted his friends. Sam took another deep breath, released it and stepped out of the car too. He looked around; there were bunch of people around, talking and laughing. He really hoped he would blend in with them someday. He walked around the car to the trunk and started to pull out their bags. A car passed by as Sam closed the trunk and he turned around to see who it was, as it stopped a car away from where they were. His mouth went dry as he saw who it was.

Lucifer Nichols stepped out of his car and shut the door after him. He looked down at his watch as he walked to the entrance to the university. Sam noticed that everyone was wary of him. So it wasn't only Dean who disliked him. Apparently, everyone disliked him for some reason. Sam couldn't be a judge of it yet, because he didn't know the guy. But he couldn't help and think just how attractive he looked. He was wearing a blue t-shirt and a leather jacket, his hair looked ruffled, his Ray Ban sunglasses looking awesome on his face, and his jeans were tight on him. Sam had a good look at it and then blushed and looked down, shaking his head to clear off the image of him.

He collected their bags and walked to Dean who was still talking to his friends; he dropped his bags down beside Dean, nodded to his friends and walked to the university. It was loud and filled with students and Sam had to take a moment to adjust to it.

A woman was standing in the middle of the hall and was giving instructions to the students on where their rooms were. Sam walked towards her and waited patiently for his turn.

"Name?"

"Sam Winchester."

The woman looked down at the sheets of paper and then found Sam's papers. "There you go. And," she dug into her purse and after a moment of search she pulled out a key and gave it to him. "Welcome to Palisades Community College," and smiled at him pleasantly.

Sam returned her smile and thanked her. He looked down at the keychain that said the number to his bedroom and he started to walk towards the stairs. It didn't take him a lot of time to find where his room was.

As he walked down the hall, it appeared that each room had two persons living there. He briefly wondered who his roommate was going to be, but his question was answered as he opened the door and walked in to see a scrawny looking guy, with big green eyes, long nose and large ears. He looked like a normal kid, but as Sam looked more closely it looked like that the guy was talking to a, well, sock.

Sam raised an eyebrow and cleared his throat to make his presence noticed. As soon as he made a noise the guy scrambled up to his feet and hid the sock in his pocket.

"Hey," he sounded cheerful and smiled like a 12 year old kid.

"Hi," replied Sam and walked into the room.

"I'm Garth," the kid held out his hand, and Sam shook it firmly.

"Sam."

"Woah, firm grip," Garth said as he flexed his fingers.

"Oh I'm sorry," Sam sounded worried but then Garth smiled up at him friendly.

"Nah, that's alright. Sooo, what do you have for the first period?"

"uhm, I don't know," Sam frowned and looked down at his papers and timetable, "oh it's Literature. And shit!" he looked down at his watch. It was 9:10 AM. He was late. "I gotta run I'm late. See you around Garth!" Sam said after his shoulder and took off down the hall in a run.

Late. He was late. Stupid, stupid, stupid! And to the literature class; Sam was going to be murdered. He looked down at the papers in his hand and fetched out the map of university and started to search the classroom. It was at the other side of the building. Sam groaned and run faster.

He got there in about 10 minutes, out of breath, with sweaty forehead and banged the door open. Thankfully, the professor wasn't in sight and Sam was about to sigh in relief and walk towards one of the open spots in the classroom to sit but then he saw Professor Nichols standing at the back of the classroom, leaning against it. He had a book in his hand and reading glasses on. Sam blinked at how different he looked from the man he saw earlier in the morning.

"You're late," his voice was soft, but it held a hard edge to it.

"I-I'm sorry, sir, it won't happen again."

"It's a good thing that it's your first day, or you would've earned yourself a week worth detention. Now sit." If Sam hadn't known better he would've thought that he sounded almost bored, but he wasn't. Sam nodded and walked to the middle of the class and sat down.

"Now that we are all present," said Nichols and started to walk towards the front of the classroom, "I'd like you to know that while I was extremely _kind_ to the young man over here," he tilted his head towards Sam as he passed by him, "I'm not a kind person." He stilled them with his hard gaze. Sam felt goose bumps all over his body, but he ignored it, thinking that it was the effect of professor's gaze. "Now, as much as I dislike doing this, thinking that it is a pointless thing to do, I must do it anyway. You," he pointed a finger at Sam, who tensed, "Stand up." Sam did. "Name?"

Sam was sure that Nichols had all of their data on his desk, but he didn't point it out. "Sam Winchester, sir."

"Winchester?"

"Yes, sir."

Sam saw his eyes harden at the name. "You don't look 18. How old are you?"

Sam very much wanted to keep his age a secret, but the gaze was so intense that he felt himself answering truthfully to his question. "I'm 24, sir."

Nichols raised his eyebrows and the class erupted into a loud whispered conversations. Sam sat down, feeling embarrassed and exposed. He sighed and looked down at the papers in front of him; he realized that he didn't have any books or notebooks with him to write down on. He was thankful when Nichols moved to another person and tormented him with questions. He was grateful of him too that he didn't ask more questions.

It was only few minutes left to the class as Nichols assigned them with writing an essay. Sam memorized it, having nothing to write on. The bell rung and everyone started to talk and collected their stuff to go out.

"Winchester?" it was Nichols. "Stay behind." Sam only nodded and walked to the front of the class. As the last student left the class, it was quiet once more, and Sam found it eerie.

Nichols took his time, getting his desk cleaned up and all that stuff, and Sam just stood there, waiting for him. He wasn't sure if he should say anything, but he couldn't take the silence anymore. "Sir?"

"hm?" Nichols looked up and Sam had a moment of looking at his face when it wasn't guarded or anything until it was shut down again. "I noticed that you weren't so keen on answering to the question about your age. Why is that?"

Sam frowned and looked down. Nichols was different from the man that looked menacing a few minutes before. "I…I didn't want to reveal how old I was just yet, because…" he cleared his throat and looked up and found himself trapped in Nichols eyes again. They were green, light green, and they looked beautiful. Sam shook his head to clear off his mind from the thoughts and looked down as he answered. "I just wanted to blend in with the kids before they knew how old I was."

"Insecure?" asked Nichols and Sam nodded. "Why didn't you come in earlier?"

"My parents died in a car crash when I was younger. Me and my brother didn't have money to afford school. We found a job at our uncle's garage; he was kind enough to let us stay with him, so, we started to work with him, and we started to raise money. I didn't come in earlier just because of that." Sam didn't know why he was telling all this stuff to him, but as much as he was an ass, according to all the students at the school, he was trustworthy enough for Sam to tell him this much. It was surprising that Sam was trusting, because normally he was wary of people, he wouldn't open up to strangers. And Professor Nichols was a stranger to him, still.

"Interesting," was all he replied and stayed quiet. He was still looking at Sam; his face unreadable. Sam shifted. And then he asked, "How would you feel about taking some extra classes in Literature?"

Sam looked at him dumbfounded. "What?"

"Extra classes, after you're done with your classes," said Nichols.

"Why?"

"I don't always ask this of my students, so you think hard, because this is a once in a lifetime opportunity."

Sam would've thought it funny to hear someone say that sentence, but with Nichols, he was sure that it wasn't funny, but genuine. He knew that Nichols knew what his position was at school, what students thought of him, and him asking Sam about taking extra classes was something that he wasn't going to let down. So he found himself nodding and agreeing to Nichols.

"Excellent. We'll start tomorrow."

"Thank you, sir." Sam walked towards the door.

"Oh and Winchester? Next time try not to be late, because I _will_ give you a week worth detention."

Sam nodded and left the classroom, feeling that hard gaze at the back of his head.


	2. A love story

**Hey guys! I already have some followers and favorites, yay!**

**Just a small thing that I wanted to say before you'll start reading.**

**PLEASE remember that this story is AU. It's an AU for a reason. Two of my readers pointed out that the universities didn't have a detention, but because it's an AU anything can be possible. Yes, it's not how it works in most universities, but I had to add it up because I might need it in the next chapters. So, if you'll read something that doesn't happen in real life situation, I ask you to please simply ignore it, because like I said, the story is an AU, and the characters can be OC too (I already had this up in my chapter 1 AN). All you gotta do is just to ignore it and enjoy the fic, because I really enjoy writing it, and I really hope that you'll like it as much as I do right now. Thank you **** and without a further ado, read and review chapter 2, please…**

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**Chapter 2: A love story**

The next few weeks passed by in a blur. Sam was showered with homework. He barely even had time to hang out with Garth and their group of friends, before he had to excuse himself to his rooms to study. And he studied hard. He would participate in quizzes and such, whatever their professors assigned for them. He loved taking quizzes and being the nerd that he was, he even loved that he received from his professors.

Sam sat outside the building; it was already the end of October. It wasn't raining, but it was pretty chilly outside as he pulled out his book and started to read. It was one of the books that Nichols had given him to read. He sighed and a small smile tugged at the corner of his lips.

His extra classes with Nichols, on the other hand, were getting more interesting.

Yes, he was still a bastard, but at the same time, he had an interesting personality that Sam admired. He never really thought of himself liking someone like Nichols, but he did…

Anyway, back to the memory.

Sam walked down the corridors towards the Lit classroom for his extra class. He was really exhausted and didn't think about how much Nichols was going to torment him, assigning him with endless essays, and books to read; thousands of books to read. He was extremely tired, and all he wanted to do was to go back to his room and sleep until Monday. He yawned and shook his head, trying to clear it a bit before he opened the classroom door.

Nichols was perched on his table and he was looking towards the window. It was raining lightly and the classroom had a grayish look to it. He was wearing a gray t-shirt and a blue shirt, sleeves rolled up, with worn out boots and jeans. Sam noticed how he closed his eyes for a second and hummed softly. Because it was relatively quiet in the classroom, Sam felt it vibrate through his body.

Sam found it oddly peaceful. He closed the door after him softly, and cleared his throat, to make his presence known. Nichols looked at him, and Sam had a glimpse of the real Nichols, for the second time, and then his face was emotionless again.

"Today, we're going to talk about Russian authors."

Sam nodded and walked towards the seats and sat down in his usual spot, first row, center desk, for this class. He pulled out his notes and the books that Nichols had let him borrow for reading. He handed them over and opened his notebook to take notes. It was a reflex, really, as he wrote down the date.

Nichols looked down at Sam as he did so, and he pursed his lips. Shaking his head, he walked over to the shelf and placed the books that Sam had handed him. He pulled out Tolstoy's book and walked back to Sam's desk. He dropped it down in front of Sam and walked back to his own desk.

Sam looked down at the title. His face hardened. "'_Family Happiness'_? Really?"

Nichols raised an eyebrow, almost sounding bored as he replied. "Yes, really. It's not some tragic family story. In fact, it's a novella, fiction."

"What's it about?"

"It's a love story."

If Sam had been standing, he would have fallen down. "L-love story, sir?"

Nichols raised an eyebrow. "Yes, a love story. I don't think you want me to spell it out for you."

"Why would I have to read it?" Sam asked.

"Because you'll need to know it, in near future and because I said so. If I assign you something, you better read it," his voice was a low rumble, which left goose bumps all over Sam's body. He barely controlled his shudder. He didn't know what had gotten into him, but the fact that he actually _liked_ Nichols was ridiculous. He was mean, menacing and downright rude; he even made a girl cry the other day because she spelled a word wrong in her essay. He humiliated that girl in front of the whole class. The girl was in hysterics by the end of the lesson, and Nichols was as calm as ever.

Fucking idiot.

Sam watched as Nichols walked over to shelves and started to look for a book. Yet another book was going to be added to his ongoing rows and rows of books to read. He sighed and looked down at the book in his hand, noticing how worn out it was.

"It is an extremely old book, so you better take care of it," said Lucifer lightly, but it had a serious tone to it.

"Don't worry sir; I'll bring it back in one piece."

"Why do you still call me sir?" The question surprised Sam into slow motion. Sam blinked several times, and then looked up at Nichols, who was still leaning against the shelves. He looked extremely curious as he waited for Sam's answer.

And Sam found himself telling everything to this man, once again. "My dad used to tell me, that if we wanted to be respected by our peers, we'd better start acting like a gentlemen. And it just kind of sank into me to call someone sir so as to not sound disrespectful or anything."

Lucifer raised an eyebrow and snorted. He didn't say anything on the topic. But the silence didn't last long.

"What about your brother?" he sounded curious.

"What about him?" Sam asked, frowning.

"Well, he doesn't seem like that kind of a guy who knows what 'respect' means, even if his life depended on it," Nichols answered simply as he walked towards where Sam sat. He looked down at him and said in a soft voice. "I don't mind him being like that, I don't care about him. But you, Sam, if you ever acted like him I would be disappointed in you."

Sam felt light-headed. Nichols voice was extremely soft. He didn't realize that a man, who was so tough on everyone, could possess such voice. Sam also wondered how it would sound if he sang a song. He was sure that it would be too much for him to bear.

He was snapped out from his memory as a he heard footsteps getting closer to him. He looked up from the book he was reading and saw that it was the man that he had been thinking about only few seconds ago. He sat up straighter as Nichols walked towards him and sat down right in front of him on the bench. He pulled out a book from his leather jacket, opened it at the marked place, put on his glasses and started to read.

Sam sat there, dumbfounded, at a loss of words, until Nichols sighed loudly and looked up at Sam, trapping him in his intense gaze. His eyes…Sam thought he'd never get over how beautiful Nichols's eyes were. They were lightest of green, and had a hard, cold look to them, and Sam couldn't help but lightly shudder, hoping that Nichols didn't see him ogling at him.

Apparently, Nichols didn't miss Sam's shudder. "Cold?"

"No, sir," mumbled Sam, and looked down at Tolstoy's book.

Nichols only nodded his head and continued reading. Sam liked the quiet. It was really nice to have someone who understood the concept of "If I'm reading, you better shut the hell up, or else!".

If Sam hadn't been so enthralled in his book, he wouldn't have missed the small tug of a smile that was playing on Nichols's lips.

* * *

"C'mon, Cas, just one date. Only one! Please!" Dean pleaded with Castiel and walked after him all over the hallways, as Castiel pinned the upcoming Halloween party's announcements.

"No, Dean. I wouldn't go out with you even if you were the last human being on the planet Earth," said Cas, in his deep voice.

"Why not?" cried Dean. He held Cas's arm as he was about to walk away. "Look, Cas. I really like you. I do. I want to prove to you that I'm not a bad guy."

Cas's deep blue eyes pierced through Dean's as he thought about Dean and his request for a date. He could actually agree on one condition.

"Fine. I'll go out with you, IF-" Dean's smile was blinding, but Cas tried to ignore it. "If you'll stop bothering me all the time, we will go out. Understood?"

Dean nodded. "Anything Cas, anything you want. Do you really wanna go out with me?" Dean felt like his chest was going to combust from excitement. He was going to go out with Cas! CAS! Oh my God!

"Yes, I do." '_And it's not only because I want you to get off from my back'. _Cas added mentally, but didn't voice that part, afraid of hurting Dean's feelings.

"When?" asked Dean.

"Uhm..Do you have a date for the Halloween party?"

"No," Dean was quick to answer. His heart was beating a million miles a second.

"Would you like to be mine?"

"Yes, of course," If Dean wasn't so 'manly', he would've probably start making fangirling noises that girls tended to do these days.

"Good. Then I'll meet you on Halloween." With that Cas turned and left Dean standing in a hallway. Dean got a good look at Cas's ass and he shook his head. Damn, that guy was going to be the death of him.

Dean rubbed the back of his neck and, being close to the hallway window, looked outside. It was mostly cloudy, and it looked like it was going to rain soon. He looked around for a bit and was about to turn around and head over to his rooms when he caught something that made him pause.

There were two people sitting on a bench, right across from each other, both engrossed in their books. One of them looked like Sammy, while the other's back was towards Dean, and he didn't know who it was. They didn't converse, they didn't do anything, and they just sat there and read their books.

Dean looked more closely at Sam. He seemed… peaceful. He had a small smile on his face and he would glance up at the man that was sitting across from him from time to time. Dean wondered who that man was that put that kind of a face on his little brother.

He stood there some more until the man started to close his book and got ready to leave, but he stopped and said something to Sam, who in return smiled at the man and said something too. Dean smiled too, as he saw his brother smile. It was rare to see his brother smile like that. Sure he laughed at some jokes that Dean would crack now and then, but this smile was different. It was a smile that he saw years ago when he was dating Jessica…

Whoever that man was, Dean was going to thank him, personally, for making his brother look like that. He just wanted to see who it was. Dean got closer to the window and waited.

The man got up from the bench, picked his book up and said something to Sam, who nodded and replied something back, the small smile still evident on his face. The man turned.

Dean felt like someone punched him in the chest and he could hardly breathe, his whole body tensed and he couldn't move. At all.

Nichols? Fucking Nichols? He was the one that made Sam like that? He was the reason that Sam had a face full of sunshine smile? Dean felt like punching a wall. Out of all the people, in the entire universe, it just had to be _him_? What was Sam thinking?

Dean's blood ran cold. Were they in a relationship? Were they on their way to having one? What was the stage of their relationship? Did Sam like him? Did Nichols like his little brother? There were so many questions running around in his head that he didn't know which one to get an answer to first.

But he was certain of one thing: he wasn't going to allow Sam and Nichols to have any kind of relationship other than strictly student and a professor. Not on his watch. He straightened his back and, deciding not to do anything today, walked back to his own room, plans already forming in his head.

* * *

It was quiet outside. The soft wind that was playing with the leaves on the trees was actually relaxing.

Sam heard Nichols sigh as he finished his book. Sam looked up from under his bangs and had a moment to appreciate the content look on his face, which obviously indicated that he was satisfied with how the book ended, until it was expressionless again. Sam smiled down, not reading, but trying to look like he was.

"Are you enjoying the book so far?" asked Nichols in a low voice. Sam shuddered again. He had to get a grip on himself, or he'd do something that he would regret his whole life.

"Yes, it-it's really well written. And has an interesting plot, so I'm enjoying it. Thank you, by the way," Sam said, looking right at Nichols.

"Sure," replied Nichols. He was looking right back at Sam.

Sam felt like his body was going to convulse soon, because he was trying so hard not to shudder under the gaze. He only let himself smile wider. Nichols blinked several times and then looked down, frowning. He closed his eyes and sighed. He shook his head then looked up again.

"I better get going," he said and stood up. "See you in class, Sam."

That was the first time that Sam had heard him say his name. If he could, he would've smiled bigger, but he couldn't so his face stayed the same as it was; looking incredibly stupid with a dopey smile on his face.

"See you later, Professor Nichols."

Nichols nodded and then turned and left. Sammy started to breathe again. Damn it. That man was going to be the death of him. Sam looked at the retreating back of his professor and he couldn't help but admire the view. He was well built for an older guy (Sam still didn't know how old he was), he had a confident stride and despite the fact that he was a complete bastard, he still had a calming aura to him. Sam liked spending time with Nichols. It was odd, because after everything that happened to him in his childhood and teen years, Sam was sure that he wouldn't feel like this ever. Even after he met Jessica, he still felt like he was forcing himself to be happy.

But Nichols was stirring up some kind of feelings inside of him that Sam had been sure that he didn't possess. It was full of life and passion. It kind of excited him, but at the same time he was afraid; afraid of the consequences that his feelings were going to bring. But he didn't think about it that much right now. Because he was sure that whatever was going to come, would come, with or without his permission.

He looked down at the book that he had been reading before sighing and closing it. He was sure that he couldn't read more, because his mind would start to wander off to a certain light green eyed man that had him wrapped around his finger already.

Sam was excited, and at the same time he was afraid.

Afraid of what was going to come and if he was ready for it or not.

He just hoped that it wouldn't screw up.


	3. Almost there

**A small note: I would really like it if people would start leaving some small reviews, please? Even if it's a thing small to say, ANYTHING would be appreciated and it'll help me to write more chapters!**

**Please?**

* * *

**Chapter 3: Almost there**

The music was loud.

It was dark.

And Sam couldn't see anything.

Those were the first three things Sam was aware of. There were bunch of people in the gym and everyone was dancing erratically to the techno music that was blasting. Sam couldn't say who was whose date and who was dancing with whom. They were all over each other and there were some heavy make out sessions here and there by the looks of it.

Sam looked around the room; it was heavily decorated with Halloween pumpkins, skeletons, even ghosts. He could also see some shadows on the walls that were being cast by some passersby. It was creepy and cool at the same time. Castiel has done a pretty good job on this, thought Sam as he looked around the room.

He spotted the punch bowl across the room and started to make his way towards it. It wasn't an easy task. Being the nerd boy that Sam was, he wore Aragorn's costume, complete with the sword. People were all watching him, yelling over the music and saying how cool his outfit was and he would smile and nod at them. He saw someone wearing angel wings and thought of whom it might've been, but he completely forgot about it as he was almost close to the punch bowl and he saw who was standing near it.

Wearing black suit, with white shirt, hair spiked up and looking elegant was Professor Nichols. Sam's mouth went dry as he saw the small smile that was playing at the corner of his lip. He was looking at the dancing people in front of him, but Sam didn't pay any attention to who he was actually watching. He looked, dare he say, strikingly hot, and gorgeous. Sam had to lick his lips because they were dry too. He swallowed hard and made his way towards the bowl, pouring himself a bit of the drink he felt like someone was watching him. He turned and looked to his right. There he was; his gorgeous Professor, looking like he didn't have a care in the world. He was relaxed, and his expression was, for the first time, readable. Sam didn't know if he was the only one who could see the change on his face, but he felt his breath leave him.

Nichols was beautiful.

In his own odd way, he was beautiful. His eyes were the lightest of green, but in the dim light they were a bit darker. Sam licked his lips and looked down; he cleared his throat and looked up again. He stepped towards Nichols and smiled.

"Evening, Professor."

"Hello," his voice was low and gravely. Sam tried not to shiver. Damn Nichols and his voice. "Nice costume." He complimented Sam's outfit as he slowly raked it with his eyes. Sam felt every move those eyes made on him.

"Thanks," Sam whispered, then cleared his throat again. "So… Halloween." Nichols looked at Sam and nodded, waiting for something. "Uhm…" Sam didn't really know why he said that. He was acting like a stupid teenage boy. He was 24 for fuck's sake! He had to start talking or Nichols would start thinking that he was some kind of an idiot. It wasn't like he didn't think of him like that, but still. It was embarrassing to think that he was a stuttering mess when it came to talking to Nichols outside of class. What were you supposed to talk about to your hot, intimidating Professor outside of class?

"Halloween, yes. Good job, Sammy, you do know what day it is today," said Nichols sarcastically, and Sam blushed. Good thing it was dark.

"Ha ha yeah. Uh… why aren't you dressed up?" asked Sam the first thing that came into his mind.

"Oh I am," replied Nichols, seriously. "I'm wearing my "I don't care if it's Halloween and you've thrown this big boring party for it" costume. You like it?"

Sam swallowed as Nichols asked him that question. "Very much." His voice sounded hoarse. He took a drink and stayed silent, afraid if he spoke his next words would be something that he would regret his whole life.

"What are you doing tomorrow?" the question was unexpected and Sam jumped a little because he'd thought their conversing was over; apparently, it wasn't.

"Sleep, I guess. Being Saturday and all… why do you ask?"

"I was thinking of having the extra class you've missed today because of this party," he looked straight into Sam's eyes and drank whatever he was drinking before Sam joined him.

Sam blinked several times and said in a low voice. "Yeah, sure… why not."

"Good," Nichols finished his drink and placed the glass on the table. He clapped Sam on the shoulder once and left him there.

Sam breathed a sigh of relief as he was left alone. He had thought his heart was going to burst from his chest when Nichols touched him. He squeezed his eyes shut and breathed softly through his nose, to get himself back together.

He had a crush on Nichols.

Now, he was really sure of it.

He groaned and rubbed a hand over his face.

"Something's bothering you?" Sam looked up and it was Garth. He was wearing a Yoda costume, his face was painted green, and he even used pointy ears. Sam secretly thought that the additional ears were unnecessary, but he kept it to himself.

"No, no. Everything's fine," Sam tried to smile at him, but he failed and then sighed.

"You can talk to me, you know?" Garth was such a sweet guy, and Sam was grateful to have him as his friend. They had become quick friends when they first met.

"Yeah I know, I just… I'm not completely comfortable about talking about it. Not right now, anyway." Sam looked down at his drink and bit his lip.

"Well, there's always time and a place for that kind of stuff, right?" Garth said cheerfully. "Now," he clapped his hands together. "Let's go and talk to some girls, or boys, or whatever you prefer, eh?"

Sam laughed softly and nodded. "Yeah sure."

After that the evening past by pretty fast, by the time Sam got back to his room, his palm was covered with phone numbers that multiple girls gave him. He was planning on washing them off as soon as he got back to his room. He wasn't interested in any of them. Sure they were beautiful, in their own way, but he didn't want them in any way that they wanted him. He was positive that his costume was the only reason that the girls were interested in him. He sighed and walked into his room. Garth was already fast asleep, being the first one to come back to their room, after his failing attempts at flirting with Jo Harvelle, who was in the same year as Dean. Sam shook his head and started to get undressed.

He had seen Dean and Castiel a few times during the party. They both were pretty occupied by each other. And they were connected by mouth, so Sam had decided to leave them in peace. He would talk to Dean later about how it had gone.

He undressed and got into shower. The rooms had adjoining showers, which was a lot better than having a bathroom shared with multiple people. Turning the water on warm he let his head fall down and rest against the wall. He was going to have a class tomorrow with Nichols. They were going to be alone. He didn't know how he was going to act around Nichols now that he'd realized that he had a crush on him. Was he going to act like nothing happened or what?

He really didn't know what to do.

He shut the water and walked out of the tab. He started to dry himself up. He grabbed clean boxers from the drawer and pulled them on. He then padded towards his bed and flopped down on it. He was beyond exhausted and he needed to sleep so he could wake up and go to his class.

Sam groaned into his pillow thinking of how much he'd prefer to hate Nichols for doing that to him and on Saturday! They could've had the class on Monday for two hours to make up for today. But no, he had to call him in tomorrow.

Sam sighed and turned on his side. He closed his eyes and relaxed his body, waiting for sleep to come.

* * *

Sam trudged down the stairs towards the main hall so he could make his way to the Lit classroom. He was exhausted. He can't remember how he woke up, or how he got ready, or how he was managing to stay up on his legs, and even making an effort to go to the classroom. It was at the other side of the university.

Sam yawned into his hand and started to walk a bit faster, as fast as he could, given the state he was in, and when he made it to the classroom, he was rather relieved. He opened the door and stepped inside, finding that Nichols was already there. He was so engrossed in some paper work that at first he didn't hear Sam.

Sam walked slowly towards the desk, and made sure to not make any noise. He wanted to look at him as much as he could. Nichols looked the same; hair spiked up, wearing a t-shirt, and a shirt over it, with sleeves rolled up and he had his glasses on. He looked…sexy. Sam licked his lips as he saw Nichols biting on his lower lip. How he wished to bite on those lips…

He cleared his throat and smiled crookedly as Nichols looked up from his papers.

"Alright? You look like you had a rough night last night."

"You don't say," replied Sam sarcastically, and clamped his mouth shut almost immediately. He blushed and looked down. "I mean, uh…"

"Grab that chair and bring it over here," Nichols told Sam and jerked his head to his left side. Sam nodded and grabbed the chair and brought it over. He sat down and waited. "I'm marking some essays. Help me out with them."

"No reading? No discussion on something? What about "_Family Happiness"_ that I read a few days ago?" Sam asked surprised. Not that he was complaining, but he was actually curious.

"We'll get to them next week. Right now, I need you to help me do this. It's rather enjoyable, really. When you read what these students write in their essays, thinking that they are being geniuses and thinking they could surprise me." Nichols placed some papers in front of Sam and tilted his head. "Go on. Do it."

"But…is it allowed to let me do…your work for you?"

Nichols looked at Sam and sighed. "It is illegal of me to make you do my own work for me, but no one's going to find out. And I think it's good for you to check them for me."

"Why?"

"Because it's part of our class," Nichols picked up his pen and started jot down something on the paper. "Now, will you start working, or should I assign you something more boring than this?"

Sam sighed and picked up a pen from the desk and scooted his chair towards the desk and started to read the essay.

Turned out, working with Nichols wasn't as bad as he thought it could be. Sure, Sam felt like he had to ask questions now and then, but he didn't really feel like disturbing the silence that was between them. At one point, Sam noticed that Nichols was left handed and him being right handed didn't really do much to help Sam to actually concentrate on the task on hand, because whenever one of them moved their hands to write something on the paper, their arms would touch each other ever so slightly and Sam would feel like fainting from the mere touch. He was crushing. And he was crushing real badly.

He glanced up from his paper and looked at Nichols, finding him already watching. Sam quickly looked down at his paper, but he didn't read, feeling Nichols eyes on his face. He gripped the pen tighter and cleared his throat, shifting on his chair he started to pretend that he was reading to get Nichols attention away from him. Moments later, he relaxed once more when he felt Nichols writing something on the paper. He sighed in relief and started to read. He learned that Nichols was right; these essays were rather hilarious and some of them even made him to giggle or snort out loud.

Unbeknownst to him, Nichols was looking at him fondly whenever he did so. He liked seeing a smile on the boy's face.

Maybe an hour has passed, Sam didn't know, but he was enjoying himself way too much to even care about the time. He was sitting right next to the man that he apparently had a crush on, he was marking some essays and he was feeling rather content. He liked this feeling. Whenever they'd write something at the same time, their arms would brush together and neither of them would say anything if they left their hands at close proximity to each other, chances being high of being touched by one another, even if it was a soft touch. A mere whisper of touch was enough to send Sam reeling. He would grip his pen tight and breath in and out, erratically, trying to calm his racing heart. After that he would go back to reading, as if nothing had happened to him, or his heart, rather.

He chanced a glance at Nichols. His brows were furrowed as if he was reading something that he didn't understand. On closer look, Sam soon found out that Nichols wasn't reading he was starring at the paper, his eyes unmoving. Sam frowned. "Professor?" At his voice Nichols looked up at him, his frown marring his features more. "Are you alright?" Sam felt like he was talking to a wall, because Nichols was silent. Sam licked his lips and frowned.

When he licked his lips, Sam thought that he saw Nichols eyes move to them. Well, it was a weird thing to notice now, was it? Sam would've liked to think that, because otherwise he didn't want to think about what Nichols actually thought. He would never even try to stop him from leaping onto his lap and having his way with him. He took a deep, steadying breath, and asked once more. "Professor, are you alright?"

"Sam," Nichols voice was gruff, and Sam shivered at the sound of it. "What do you really think of me?" Sam's frown deepened. Well, the question was rather surprising, really. Sam opened his mouth several times and then closed it and looked at him, feeling lost. Nichols let out a sigh and then proceeded to say. "I know what students think of me, I know what your brother thinks of me too. I know everything and anything that comes out of their mouth whenever they talk about me. But…" Nichols turned on his sit and leaned forward, getting into Sam's personal space and closer to his face. "I'd rather know from you, what you think of me? Am I evil, like everyone keeps saying? Or am I a better man than that?"

Sam took a deep breath, suddenly finding it hard to breath. His brain turned into a mush and he was looking down at Nichols lips. They were so close to him, all he had to do was to lean in and capture them into a kiss. But he asked a question, and Sam had to answer to him. "You are a better man than that," Sam whispered, his voice rough. "You are better in anything, really. I don't see how people can think that you are evil. You are only doing your job." Sam looked at the paper in front of Nichols and then added, "Okay, you are kind of evil. But I wouldn't call it 'evil', I'd rather call it… rude, or blunt. You speak your mind," Sam looked back at him, "Which is greatly appreciated from me... I like yo-uh, how you can tell a person what you think of them without feeling guilt over it. I don't think you need to feel bad about being who you really are. Because that's what makes you Professor Nichols."

"Lucifer."

"What?"

"My name…" he cleared his throat. "It's Lucifer."

"Oh…" Sam breathed out. Lucifer. His name was Lucifer. How beautiful it sounded. "Did you know that it means "shining one, morning star."?"

"It does?" Lucifer was inching closer.

"Yeah," breathed out Sam. He could feel every breath that Nichols was taking and he could smell him. It was arousing, intoxicating, and dangerous. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply; he almost collapsed from the sheer arousal he felt going through his system at the scent of him. Sam licked his lips and inched closer. He opened his eyes and felt himself drowning and Lucifer's light green eyes.

"Sam?" Lucifer whispered.

"Yeah?"

"I'd like to kiss you… Is that alright if I did that?" Lucifer's face was inches away, lips so close to Sam's that he could taste them as he replied with a sigh of 'yeah'. Sam's heart was beating fast. So fast that he was afraid that it was going to break his rib cage. He was excited, beyond excited, he was thrilled. He was going to be kissed by his crush. By Lucifer. By the man that he dreamt of nonstop. But the kiss never came.

As soon as they were about to capture their lips, Sam's phone had gone off and Sam cursed rather colorfully under his breath. Lucifer pulled back from him and was out of his chair in no time, while Sam fished out his phone and flipped it open. "What?" he snapped into it.

"Woah, Sammy, no need to rip my head off." It was Dean. Really? Timing, Dean!

"What do you want?" asked Sam, rather rudely.

"Didn't sleep well last night?"

Sam groaned into his phone. "Dean, if you have nothing else to say besides more nonsense, I suggest you end the call. I'm busy." _Or rather was busy,_ judging by how Lucifer was standing in front of the window, looking outside. It was going to rain soon.

"Busy with what, exactly?" Dean's voice was curious, but Sam merely sighed and Dean chuckled. "Alright, alright! No need to get snippy on me, Sammy-boy. I just called you to say that Cas and I have last night's pictures, if you wanna come and see them?"

"Yeah, sure. I'll be there in a few."

"Great! See you then."

"Yeah." Sam clicked his phone shut and placed it into his pocket.

And then there was silence in the classroom.

It was thick with tension, but Sam couldn't point out which kind of tension it was. He stood up and walked towards where Lucifer was standing. He stood up next to him and looked out of the window. Then Lucifer spoke. "I think you should go now, Sam." His voice was low, and sounded so different from his usual gruffness, that Sam looked at him. Simply looked.

Lucifer looked disappointed, sad…even upset. He was frowning, again. Sam didn't like it when he frowned; it somehow made him look even older than he really was. Sam didn't even know how old he was, nor did he care. He looked almost defeated, tired, even. Sam knew that he had to go, so he did so, not before whispering. "Don't regret anything." Lucifer looked up at Sam, his eyes full of desperate hope that was so raw that Sam had to look away. "I'll see you around, Professor."


	4. I've got you, Lucifer

**Yay chapter 4 c:**

**we are moving slowly, but surely.**

**oh my, what a tantrum Lucifer *tsk tsk tsk***

* * *

**Chapter 4: I've got you, Lucifer**

They were going to kiss.

They _were _going to kiss.

They… oh my God!

Sam walked as fast as he could, away from the classroom and when he rounded the corner he stood there, looking down at his feet and breathing heavily.

They were going to kiss… Sam closed his eyes and swallowed. He still could feel his breath on his face, he still could feel his presence…it was so powerful, so intense that he wanted to turn and go back to the classroom and kiss him into the next week. Sam shuddered at the thought and leaned back on the wall, his fingertips touching his lips.

Nichols, no, _Lucifer_, was going to kiss him.

He couldn't think of anything else. He let out a small laugh and rubbed a hand over his face. Whenever he closed his eyes he could see Lucifer's face close to his own. He was so beautiful… Sam shuddered once more and then he pushed himself off from the wall and started down the hall, into the main Entrance, and then up the stairs to Dean's room.

When he got there, he had to collect himself before he knocked on the door, and he had to knock multiple times, because it seemed like that Dean wasn't paying attention to it. When the door was finally opened Sam was greeted by a blue-eyed boy, with messy hair, and with a serious expression. Sam smiled at him. "Hey, I'm Sam, Dean's brother." He extended his hand for a handshake.

The guy looked down at the offered hand and then back at Sam; he squinted at Sam for a few seconds and then took his hand in his and shook it with a firm grip. "It's a pleasure to meet you," his voice was gruff. "I'm Castiel."

Sam nodded and then walked inside. Everything in this room screamed "Dean!" and Sam wasn't even surprised to see it like this. It was a mess; posters all over the walls, clothes scattered around the room, bottles of finished beers around the corners. It was a good thing that it didn't smell. Sam sighed and made his way to the desk and sat down on the chair.

"So, where's my brother?" asked Sam and watched as Castiel sat down on the bed and started to look for something on his laptop.

"He is taking a shower. It's a good thing he isn't here. I have a picture for you that I don't think Dean would be too happy to see," Castiel looked at Sam and jerked his head, indicating, that Sam should sit down beside him.

So Sam did and waited for him to show him the picture. His mouth dropped open when he saw it.

It was of him and Lucifer talking to each other at the Halloween party from last night. It wasn't much, but what got him most was the look on Lucifer's face. "May I?" Castiel nodded and Sam took the laptop from him and brought it to his face. He shifted slightly on the bed, uncomfortable for doing so in presence of a stranger, but they weren't strangers anymore, were they? So Sam zoomed in on Lucifer's face: he looked different from what Sam remembered from their brief conversing. Lucifer's face was…different. It seemed to be brighter, despite the fact that the gym was dark, but Sam thought that the pictures were taken by a professional camera and that was why it turned out to be this great. His eyes were darker than usual, he had a small smile on his face, or maybe it was even a smirk, Sam didn't know, either way it suited him and Sam found himself smiling in return.

Castiel looked at the smile on Sam's face and thought that he was right about his assumptions: Sam really had it bad for Professor Nichols and, it seemed he wasn't clueless about it. Castiel's lips quirked up and then held a USB flash in front of Sam.

When Sam looked at him, he said, "Get the picture onto it, and then delete it from the laptop." Sam still looked at him. "I can see what you've seen in him. He is smart, intelligent, can converse like a normal human being. And he is attractive. Just…be careful, okay?" Castiel looked back at laptop. "Go on then. Do it before Dean gets back." Sam blinked several times, and then quickly attached the USB to the laptop. Moments later he had the picture on it and he was deleting the picture when Castiel said the sentence that made Sam breathe out a sigh of relief. "If it'll make you feel any better, know that I won't tell Dean any of this."

"Thank you, Castiel. It means a lot to me."

"What are friends for, eh?" Castiel smiled at Sam and then took the laptop and started to go through the pictures.

Sam didn't answer; he just smiled at Castiel's profile and then looked down at the flash in his hand. He never really noticed that someone took a picture of them when they were at the party, and he never really thought that Castiel was going to be the one to give him the picture.

Minutes later, Dean came back from shower and they greeted each other like they usually did: with a great big bear hug, Dean teasing Sam about his hair, Sam teasing Dean about his lifestyle, small punches, and they were back to normal.

They spent hours of looking at the pictures and laughing at the silly expressions of their friends. There were pictures of Castiel and Dean kissing, holding hands, dancing together (really close, mind) and in those moments Sam tried his hardest not to feel lonely, but it was hard as they were both sitting close to each other and were whispering silly nonsense to each other.

Sam wanted that.

But he thought he'd never have it because of who he liked.

He shook his head and tried to keep his thoughts away from _him_, because right now was not the time to think about _him_. Right now he had to spend his time with his brother and his boyfriend. And that was enough.

For now.

* * *

The next few days passed by as a blur for Sam. He was busy with classes and extra classes from Lucifer. He still got butterflies in his belly whenever he thought of his Professor as Lucifer. Once or twice he literally almost called him Lucifer in their extra classes, but he always caught himself before he let out any noise.

It was hard.

It was really hard to sit so close to him and yet feel like he was thousands of miles away from him. Sam was going crazy, he was sure of it. He needed to converse with Lucifer, he needed to feel his touches on him so he can be sure that Lucifer was real, that Lucifer was still talking to him, despite their small encounter from the other day.

They never talked about it. It was extremely disturbing to come to the extra class on Monday and find that Lucifer was acting like nothing really happened between them. Sam was confused at first, but as the days progressed by he understood that Lucifer was like that. He'd be mad in one second, and then the next thing you know he is back to normal, as if nothing happened. Sam got used to it pretty quickly and it wasn't bothering him that much anymore.

But what bothered him the most was the fact that Lucifer's behavior towards him was… colder somehow. Yes, he was still the same, but whenever he asked certain questions to him he seemed to sound like he was trying hard not to snap at him. Sam tried not to talk to him, but he just couldn't take it.

The tension that was building up between them was so raw that it overwhelmed Sam to no end. He'd always get back to his room after their class, feeling like he couldn't breathe. Garth would always ask him questions about it, though he didn't know what happened between Lucifer and Sam, but he was at least there for Sam, right? He was at least trying to help. And Sam couldn't help but appreciate his efforts. It was nice having a friend around.

Some nights, they'd just sit down on the floor, backs to Sam's bed and be quiet. They wouldn't talk about anything; Garth wouldn't ask him what was wrong, and Sam wouldn't try to make conversation. Those nights were the worst…

Sam would be so wound up from Lucifer's lack of conversing with him that it'd make him feel even more depressed about the situation.

It sucked. Royally.

At some points he even wished to go back in time and never let Lucifer get so close to him. He missed the old Lucifer. He missed how they could converse between each other and talk like they were old friends, literally. He missed how relaxed Lucifer used to be around him. But now both of them were tense. Both of them were on edge. Like a small thing would tick them off and they'd explode.

The explosion did come sooner than either of them was ready for.

Sam trudged down the hall towards the classroom, already feeling tired from the yet another uninteresting class. He walked into the classroom and closed the door after him softly. Sam looked around and saw that Lucifer wasn't present, so Sam shrugged and walked towards his usual desk for this class and dropped down on the chair, opening the book that he brought with him and started to read.

It was several minutes later when the door banged open and an extremely angry looking and, Sam blinked, covered in blood Lucifer walked into the classroom. The door snapped shut after him and Sam barely had a time to duck down when Lucifer threw the lamp from his desk over at the wall behind Sam. Sam looked horrified at him and then quickly moved towards Lucifer, who was trying to throw everything around the room. Sam clutched Lucifer's arms to prevent him from doing anything else, but as it turned out, Lucifer was as strong as Sam and he broke free from him and he took the nearest chair and threw it across the classroom. Sam then proceeded to hug Lucifer to him: arms going around his muscular body, arms trapped between his body and Sam's arms. Sam pressed his check to Lucifer's head and whispered in his ear urgently.

"Professor, you need to stop. You are not feeling like you. You need to stop before you hurt yourself." He still struggled to get free, but Sam gripped him tighter to his chest. "Please. Just stop fighting! Let go of it. Please! Lucifer…"

The struggling stopped almost instantly and Sam looked at Lucifer's face; he had his eyes close and his face was contorted in…hurt. His fists were still clenched, so tight, that Sam thought they were going to get stuck like that forever.

"I've got you, Lucifer. I've got you…" Sam whispered into his ear and cautiously rubbed a hand over his back.

Lucifer's took it as an invitation and he slumped forward and Sam was ready to catch him. He pulled him even closer, if that was even possible. Lucifer's arms went around Sam's and he hugged him so tight that Sam momentarily lost his breath, but he didn't care. Lucifer needed him, and this was what Sam was craving the last couple of days, so why not enjoy it as well.

Sam moved slowly back to the desk and sat down at the edge, opening his legs wide so Lucifer could stand between them, still hugging each other like their life depended on it. Lucifer shuddered and snuggled close to Sam his face pressing into Sam's neck, and Sam willed himself not to shudder in return.

Sam didn't know how long they stood there, but he didn't complain, in fact, it was rather pleasant.

After few more minutes, Sam felt Lucifer relax a bit, and Sam rubbed a hand on his back.

"So… are you going to tell me what happened?" Sam kept his voice low, in case Lucifer started to throw yet another tantrum.

He shook his head and mumbled out a reply, "My big brother was being a dick, that's all." Sam tried hard not to shiver as Lucifer answered and his lips brushed his neck.

"Uh… was this whole tantrum really necessary?" Sam asked tentatively.

Lucifer pulled back and looked down at Sam. His face was close to Sam's and he thought he'd never seen more adorably concerned face in his life. He frowned and said, "Yes, it was necessary. I had to do it."

Sam was having hard time breathing. In fact, he stopped breathing altogether as Lucifer pulled back and looked down at him with the most heartbreaking expression on his face. _Oh Lucifer…_ He looked so fragile, and so small. He once again wondered what happened between him and his brother but was distracted as small fingers started to play with the hair at the back of his neck.

He cleared his throat and shifted a bit, "Uhm… at least there were no casualties." He tried to joke about it, but he knew that he failed miserably, because Lucifer raised an eyebrow and a small smile crossed his lips.

"I guess not…" his voice was soft and Sam swallowed. He wanted nothing more than to lean in and kiss him.

Sam briefly looked down and then up into his eyes again. "Did you-did you know that your eyes have blue in them whenever you get passionate about…something?" Sam hoped he didn't sound as breathless as he thought he did now.

"I think I do. They are my eyes after all." Lucifer had a small smile on his lips and Sam huffed out a laugh and then looked down and then up again.

"Yeah, I know that they are your eyes, but I never really paid attention to them before and now…" Sam trailed off, unable to continue his train of thought.

"I know what you mean," Lucifer said and he looked pointedly at Sam.

In that moment Sam thought that Lucifer saw something on Sam the he himself never realized he had. He didn't question nor feel bad when Lucifer swooped down and kissed his forehead softly, hands coming to cup his face, and Sam nearly passed out of how tender this man was, despite his ragged and rough looks.

They stayed like that for a few more minutes until it was time for them to separate. Both of them were rather reluctant to do so. And both of them didn't point out the fact that while they were hugging, Sam's hands had wandered down and one of his hands was on Lucifer's hip, while the other one had gripped the back of his leg.

* * *

When Sam got back to his room, he had this big dreamy smile on his face and Garth was surprised to see that smile on him. It was, he thought, creepy, and didn't look exactly like the Sam that Garth knew. But he didn't complain. It was better to see him like this rather than moody and frowny all the time.

Garth was glad to have his friend back, minus the weird smile on his face, he was really glad for it.

He hoped that it would last for a few more days.


	5. I'd like to kiss you now

**Chapter 5! yay me**

**okay.. So my netbook broke and I'm computerless...I used my brother's laptop to write this chapter. and it's already 5 am in the morning when I finished writing it and I didn't want to rush it, but I apologize if it'll seem like it but I just had to write. But I think it turned out to be great (when I re-read it).**

**Anyways on with the story.**

**Leave a review of what you thought of the chapter, please!**

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**Chapter 5: I'd like to kiss you now**

"So I wanted to ask you something about the other day…" said Sam as they started to walk around the university's garden. It was huge, and they were far from the building so no one could see them. The grounds were covered in Autumn leaves. It was a bit cold outside too, but Lucifer thought that it'd be nice for them to study outside, so here they were, walking around after hours of non-stop reading and discussion about the characters.

"Ask me about what?" said Lucifer as he closed his book and clasped his hands on his back.

"About your fight with your brother and I know it's not my place to ask you about such personal thing," Sam was quick to say. "But… you seemed to be really mad and you were covered in blood, and I kind of wanted to know what actually happened between you two. Not that it's any of my business. You can not answer. Totally understandable."

Lucifer sighed and looked down; his brow furrowing. Sam blushed a bit and looked away. _Really, Sam?_ He wanted to smack his forehead with the book in his hand but resisted the urge. He nervously bit his lower lip and waited for Lucifer to say something.

"You do talk a lot, you know that right?" Lucifer's voice was soft, but at the same time it had a tone of curiosity.

"Yeah I know, my brother reminds me of that… daily." Sam smiled nervously and looked down at the leaves crunching under his feet.

They walked like that for awhile. It was mostly silent between them. Sam spotted a big oak tree and started to walk towards it. It was huge and looked extremely old. The roots of the tree were larger than him and it fascinated him. He walked towards it and touched it gently. It was rough under his hand, as expected, but at the same time it held oldness to it that Sam really liked. He smiled to himself and then turned and looked at Lucifer; his small smile widening. "Let's sit here for awhile." Not waiting for an answer, Sam walked around the tree for a bit and then settled down between two huge roots that would allow two people to sit down.

He looked up and saw Lucifer standing there looking at him, face expressionless. As always. Sam smiled at him and tilted his head to the side, asking him to come and join him. After few seconds Lucifer bit his lower lip, shook his head and then walked where Sam sat and dropped down next to him. Sam turned and smiled in thank you to Lucifer, who only nodded in reply. After that it was quiet and cold. Really cold. Sam shivered but tried to cover it; apparently he didn't do a great job at covering it because Lucifer shifted closer to him and he willed himself to not shiver at the contact and tried to act natural.

"When we were little, my brother, Michael, and I used to be best of friends," Lucifer started after a minute of silence. "We were inseparable. Father thought both of us would achieve greatness when the time came. He supported us and our decisions whenever he saw fit, but at the same time he would… He always preferred Michael." Lucifer sighed. "He'd always ask him to do stuff, or he'd always take him to places, and Michael was the one to remind father that I actually existed. Time passed by and we grew up. Michael becoming more like my father, and me being rebellious. Our mornings were filled with spite, our dinners were filled with fights. We would fight about my decisions about my life, and they'd disagree with me and thought that I was wrong and that I should stop thinking those thoughts. But they weren't me. They didn't know that whatever choice I made, whatever decision I made, was for me, and not for them. It was hard… going against my father and brother. But I did manage to send my message to them, that I was, and am, an independent man. And I do what is right for me. Even though some people disagree with me, but this is who I am, Sam." Lucifer looked at Sam's concerned filled face. "This is who I am meant to be. If my father thought that I was making the wrong decisions and that I was going to regret them in the years to come, then I think that he is wrong. And I proved that to him."

"What-what decisions or choices were you making that your father didn't like?" Sam asked, softly, his hand clasping Lucifer's in his, without either of them noticing it.

"I wanted to be better than him. I wanted to overpower him. I thought I was higher than him. He was my father, yes, but his decisions, on some stuff, weren't acceptable with me, and I wanted to make it right, I wanted to take his place so I could make the decisions, but… He was my father." Lucifer looked down at their hands, his thumb caressing the back of Sam's hand. It was relaxing. "He pushed me out of the door and told me to never come back to the house if I was still thinking about what I wanted to do. And I just nodded. But I guess I never really wanted to change to be the person that my father wanted me to be. So I left, and I never went back." Lucifer smiled. "Okay, I did one time, but it didn't turn out to be a wise decision."

Sam huffed out a laugh and leaned closer to Lucifer's arm, fingers squeezing his hand. Lucifer smiled softly and continued to look down at their hands clasped together. It was a weird feeling, being able to touch and be touched, but it was a nice feeling at the same time. He turned his head and looked at Sam's face. Sam was really beautiful. His hair was a mess from all the soft wind around them, his bright brown eyes were shining with excitement, and his pupils were definitely dilated and his lips…

Without thinking about it Lucifer pushed Sam's hair back from his forehead and searched his face.

"You look beautiful, Sam."

Whatever Sam thought whenever Lucifer accidently touched his arm and it sent him reeling and breathless at the same time, he couldn't compare it to how he felt right now when Lucifer called him "beautiful". Of all the words he could use, he said "beautiful". Really? He could've said "sexy", or "handsome" or any other manly word, but no. Lucifer surprised him with "beautiful".

It wasn't often that Sam received compliments from the people that surrounded him daily, and he certainly didn't mind them, but… as he thought back there weren't any compliments that made him feel like this.

But he needed to focus. He needed to know what actually happened between Lucifer and his brother, and he had to ask now before he did something stupid, such as kiss Lucifer into oblivion, and then regret it later.

"And uhm… what about the fight that you had with your brother?" Sam's voice came out as a hoarse whisper that he didn't know he possessed. It made him blush, but at the same time, it made Lucifer lean in closer and Sam's heartbeat stopped.

"Oh same old stuff; him being a successful businessman, because he followed our father, and me being a loser and a professor at a lousy university. Which, by the way, I don't think is lousy. I find it… interesting."

"Interesting? How?" asked Sam, breathlessly. Lucifer was so close to him he could feel his breath all over his face and he didn't know if he was going to be able to pull himself back from doing the unthinkable.

"I've met a young and bright student this year." Sam's breath hitched and he looked into Lucifer's eyes. "And I find this year to be more… interesting, because of him."

"O-oh, yeah?" asked Sam.

"Yeah." Replied Lucifer, his voice softer than before, almost a whisper. There was a soft breeze and Sam shivered a bit. Lucifer's hand cupped Sam's cheek and Sam shuddered at the contact, eyes closing. "Sam?"

"Hm?"

"I'd like to kiss you now. Please."

Sam felt like he was having a déjà vu and he was waiting for Dean to call and ruin the moment, but waiting for any of it to happen was taking it forever. So, unable to reply to him verbally, he only nodded and he felt a whisper of a breath on his lips, as Lucifer breathed a sigh of relief, and then he felt warm lips covering his own.

Sam felt his lips burn from where Lucifer kissed him, his insides were burning, his head was fuzzy and he felt like he was going to die there. And seriously, if he really died, he would die happy. And this all he felt from only a mere touch of Lucifer's lips to his. What would happen if they kissed properly?

He was answered immediately, when Lucifer's hand slipped to the back of his head and pulled his head closer to his and the kiss deepened. Lucifer kissed without holding back, he gave everything that he felt at that moment. Sam felt like he was being sucked into Lucifer because wow, Lucifer did know how to kiss.

Sam felt like his lips were going to come off from his face because of how Lucifer sucked on them. He would bite them, lick them and then suck on them and it'd make Sam crazy. Lucifer then slipped his tongue into Sam's mouth and Sam couldn't just sit there and let Lucifer control the kiss, so he fought, with his tongue, for dominance. But of course he didn't win. Almost as soon as he tried to dominant Lucifer, Lucifer gripped tightly on Sam's hair and pulled, biting his tongue as it tried to slip into his mouth. Sam moaned loudly, causing Lucifer to growl and kiss him harshly. Sam was hundred percent sure now that his lips were going to be bruised, bloodied and definitely would scream 'I've just had the most amazing kiss in history'. But he didn't mind. He didn't mind that Lucifer was going to mark him. He didn't mind that his lip was already cut and he was bleeding inside. And he definitely didn't mind it as Lucifer practically demanded him to kiss him back just as passionately.

Sam gave everything that he had in that moment. Everything he felt towards the man before him, every emotion that he had held back for few months now, he was pouring them all into this kiss. He was sweating, his ears were ringing, he couldn't open his eyes, and he was getting hard. He squirmed in his seat a bit and gripped at Lucifer's bicep. Lucifer was breathing harder through his nose, and Sam wasn't far behind. Both of them were worked up and Sam wanted this to last. Last as long as they could hold on to it, because Sam wasn't sure when they were going to kiss again, and he came to the conclusion that he really liked being kissed by Lucifer. And he never wanted to kiss another person. Ever.

But the need for air was necessary and they reluctantly slowed their kissing and pulled back a tiny bit. Their lips were still attached, their mouths open, and they were breathing into each other as if they just run a marathon.

Sam felt like he was suffocating and Lucifer was there to catch him if he fell. Sam didn't realize how tense and worked up he'd gotten himself, but when he started to breath once again he fell limply on Lucifer's chest. He felt Lucifer's lips at the top of his head, and felt himself being hugged close to the warm body under his cheek. It was colder now, and now that he could hear what was happening around him, he could smell and hear the sound of the rain. It was raining, hard, but because they were under a huge tree which had thick branches covered in leaves, it was a shelter for them both and they were left dry as the rain poured harder than ever.

Sam wouldn't even mind if he got soaked, or if he died from cold, because right now at this moment he was feeling whole. He was feeling wanted, desired, by this gorgeous man who was hugging him so close as if he was the most important person to him, and that he has been waiting for him forever. Sam knew that it was a lie and it was just his imagination, but he couldn't help but hope for some of it to be real.

He wanted Lucifer.

He wanted to be with Lucifer.

He wanted to have him as long as he could.

But he knew that this wouldn't last. He knew that someday their life choices were going to get on in their way and they would have to choose what was right and what was wrong for them.

In that moment, as Sam snuggled closer into Lucifer's chest, he promised himself that he'd go wherever Lucifer would go; whether the older man agreed or not.


	6. Rain and running

**YAY so many followers and reviews and favorites! OMC I love you guys ^_^**

**PS: while I enjoyed writing this chapter, it turned out to have SO many mistakes in it that I felt like I was back to school again. So I'd like to thank Dee, who is my beta-reader, for her patience and support.**

**I love her :3  
**

**PPS: I gave titles to the chapters ^_^ go and check them out :3**

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**Chapter 6: Rain and running.**

"You never answered my question," Sam said as he leaned back against Lucifer's chest.

"Hm? Which one?" Lucifer mumbled.

"The one where you were covered in blood?"

"Oh that one…well, me and Michael have a history together, as you already know. And whenever we meet and try to talk…civilly, we always end up getting violent."

Sam frowned and started playing with Lucifer's hand that rested against his chest. Lucifer looked down at their hands. "Why is that?"

"Because he is an asshole that's why," Lucifer replied easily.

"So the blood that I saw on you…" Sam started slowly and Lucifer sighed.

"No, it wasn't my blood. Yes, it was Michael's because he had it coming. Oh, believe me, he did," Lucifer said, looking down as Sam turned his head to look up at him. His breath hitched as he realized how close they were…how beautiful Sam looks in the dark and hazy glow that is being cast on them by the trees. Sam smiled up at him and quirked an eyebrow; Lucifer sighed again. "Don't look at me like that, he deserved what he got."

"I'm sure he did," Sam replied with as much sarcasm as he dared in presence of Lucifer.

Lucifer's lips quirked up into a small smile, but then he dipped his head down to hide his face from Sam. He buried his face in Sam's neck and pressed small kisses to the skin under his lips. Sam sighed contently and closed his eyes, snuggling closer into Lucifer.

"Lucifer?"

"Hm?"

"If you don't mind me asking… how old are you?"

Sam felt him tense up and quickly squeezed his hand in reassurance. Lucifer relaxed a bit and asked in his low voice. "Is it an issue?"

"What?"

"Our age difference."

Sam thought about it, before answering truthfully. "No, I don't think that it is…"

"Then why do you want to know?"

"Because I'm a curious nerd that needs to know all the answers?"

Lucifer smiled and Sam could hear the smile in his voice as he said, "I'm 37."

"Hmm..." Sam turned his head and looked at Lucifer's face. "Not that bad for a 37 year old man. At least you don't look old." Lucifer chuckled throatily and pulled Sam closer to him nuzzling into his neck.

It was quiet for awhile; just the two of them, enjoying each other's company. The clouds were getting darker, and with a disappointed sigh that Sam he couldn't hide from Lucifer, Sam realized that it was time for them to head back.

"It's time for us to go," he said quietly, not wanting to disturb the quietness around them. Lucifer hummed and sighed into Sam's neck.

"I guess…" Lucifer mumbled and with reluctance he moved away from Sam, but not before kissing him on the neck. Sam smiled and stood up, holding his hand out to Lucifer to help him up. They brushed off the grass from their jeans, picked their books and started to walk towards the university. It was drizzling lightly, but Sam could tell that it was going to rain heavily if they didn't hurry. Sam was about to suggest just that but the words died on his lips as he turned around and looked at Lucifer; his eyes were closed, head tilted up, hands in his jacket pocket, and he seemed relaxed as he walked through the grass, steps sure as if he knew this road by heart. Sam's breath hitched as the light from a flash of lightning played across Lucifer's face and Sam was momentarily stuck by his beauty. _He truly is beautiful… _Sam thought and he fought back the urge to actually move closer to him, grab his face and kiss him passionately, but only barely.

The rain started falling a bit heavily and Sam ducked his head and started walking a bit faster, he heard Lucifer doing the same. After a moment of jogging they started running. Sam ran as fast as he could and then he glanced to his left to see where Lucifer was and was surprised to see that Lucifer was keeping up with his pace. Lucifer looked at him with mischievous glint in his eyes and that was the only warning Sam had before Lucifer began to run at full speed.

"Lucifer!" Sam yelled after him, laughing and then he sped up. For his age, Lucifer is really fast and Sam was left breathless at how athletic Lucifer actually is.

They ran fast, the wind swiping their hair off their faces, rain drops falling heavily down on them, and Sam couldn't think of a better day he had with someone else before today. He found that despite the fact that his sides already hurt from all the running and being breathless, he liked this. And he wanted to do this again in near future.

Finally they got to the university and both of them ducked in through the main entrance and started to pat some of the wetness from them. When they were done they looked at each other and promptly started giggling. Sam realized that this is the first time he has seen Lucifer actually laugh. It's a pleasant and carefree sound. He decided that he wants to hear him laugh more. His face is bright, his eyes shine, and his worry lines turn into laugh lines.

"I like the way you laugh," Sam said and then his mouth snapped shut as he realized that he said it aloud. He blushed and looked down. "Uhm…"

There was a hand under his chin and he looked up to see that Lucifer was pretty close to him. His face was expressionless once again, but his eyes were warm. Sam gulped, hands balling up into fists to try and prevent himself from reaching out and touching him.

"I like it when you blush," Lucifer commented softly and Sam blushed deeper. Lucifer licked his lips and then leaned close. Sam closed his eyes and waited for Lucifer to kiss him, but he didn't. Instead he tilted Sam's face down and his lips brushed over Sam's forehead. "I will see you tomorrow, Sam." He whispered and then was gone.

Sam stood there for a moment and then lightly shook his head to clear his mind. He needed to get a grip on himself before he lost it. With a light smile on his face he started to walk towards his room.

Garth was fast asleep when he got to his room. He walked toward him and then lightly shook him to wake him up.

"Garth?" he whispered as to not startle him, but this never works because as soon as he says his name Garth wakes up almost instantly, with fear in his eyes. Sam once again wondered why Garth looks like this every time he wakes him up, but decides that it's not his place to ask…yet. "You alright?"

"Yeah," he squeaked out, and then cleared his throat. "Yeah, I just fell asleep. Wait, why are you wet? Is it raining?" He looked out of the window. "Wow, it is."

Sam nodded and started to get undressed, completely comfortable around Garth.

"So, how was it?"

"How was what?"

"Your class with Professor Nichols?" asked Garth.

"Oh! It was fun. We just read a book and shared some quotes and opinions on some stuff." Sam said without noticing at Garth's searching and curious expression.

"Oh, good. So you guys get along then?"

"Yeah," Sam smiled as he remembered their first kiss. "You could say that…"

"Well, it's good to hear that. He isn't that bad when you know how to get on his good side, is he? I bet you guys spend an awesome time together." Sam didn't answer. He wanted to say that yes, they do spend an awesome time together, but he didn't want to tell Garth about it, not yet anyway. And then Sam felt a strong sympathy toward Garth as he said quietly. "Man, I wish I had a professor who would be like that with me, or a friend for that matter."

Sam was quick to say, "I'm your friend Garth. We can hang out together whenever you'd like to. Okay?"

Garth smiled a big smile, "Really?"

"Of course," Sam found himself smiling back at Garth.

His phone buzzed. It was a text message from a number unknown to Sam. He opened it and it said:

_Check your e-mail._

_Cas_

Sam frowned and re-read the message. They hadn't shared their numbers, as far as he remembered, but then he thought that maybe Dean had given Cas hi number, and e-mail address, but he shrugged and went to open his laptop and log into his mail. He pulled his shirt and sweat-pants on and sat down at his desk and saw that he had some messages from old friends and some updates from the university. But he wanted to see what Castiel had sent him.

He clicked on the e-mail, and read what it said:

_Don't think that I'm some sort of a creep who goes all over the uni and takes random sneaky pictures of people. Honest. I was just outside and when I got in I was sitting at the staircases and was looking through the pics that I have taken, but then this… scene happens and it was extremely cute and I had to take a pic of it._

_I apologize if I upset you in some way, but yeah… look at the picture and don't hate me please._

_Take care, Cas._

There were two pictures that he had sent to Sam. He clicked on download and waited for it to download. He drummed his fingers on the keyboard as he waited, and thought about the message. What did he send, or do, that made him think that he might upset Sam? Sam shook his head, deciding that Dean had strange taste in men and women.

The pictures are finally downloaded, he clicked on them and gasped, mouth hanging open, eyes wide. _What in the world!? How?_ Sam thought as he looked at the picture, it's of him and Lucifer at the entrance. Lucifer had his hand under Sam's chin and looked like he was saying something. In the other picture of them Sam's eyes were closed and Lucifer was kissing him on the forehead. Sam's heart accelerated as he looked at the picture. It looked like Lucifer was having a hard time, just like Sam had. His other hand was clenched into a ball and it looked like Lucifer was trying to hold back. Sam smiled.

He then spent the next ten minutes looking at both pictures, analyzing everything and seeing how the both of them look rather good together. He moved them from the desktop to the file that he had made only for him and Lucifer. He now had three pictures in there.

He grabbed his phone and started writing a reply to Castiel, thanking him for the pictures. Castiel replied back almost instantly and said that he had already deleted the pictures so Dean wouldn't see them. Sam smiled at the message.

He was happy that someone out there knew about him and Lucifer, and he was really glad it was Castiel. And he was extremely glad that Castiel was one of those guys that respect the privacy of the others, well, minus his habit of taking random pictures of people, but most of all, he was glad that hehad Castiel on his side, without even talking to him about Lucifer.

Sam closed his laptop and then stood up, stretching his back he walked toward his bed and flopped down on it, face first. He suddenly felt really tired and without even bothering with getting under the sheets he closed his eyes and let his exhaustion carry him into deep slumber.

That night he dreamt of Lucifer. And when he woke up in the morning he had an impressive boner that he took care of as soon as he got to the bathroom. He jerked himself off with a sigh of Lucifer's name on his lips as he came into his hand. He looked down and sighed.

This was going to be a long week.


	7. Library shenanigans

**Starting the chapter with Garth, because I really love him and then on with our favorite boys.**

**Poor Sammy :(**

**PS: please leave a review to let me know what you thought of it...**

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**Chapter 7: Library shenanigans**

The sink was covered in blood…

Gray eyes looked into the mirror; they were full of pain and regret… they were dull. He was surprised to see himself like this, but he'd had worse injuries, and this was nothing compared to the ones he'd had before.

Garth groaned and leaned down into the sink, opening the water and cleaning the blood from the sink and then washing his face, wincing in relief as every time the cold water hit his face. He sighed, and then shut the water. He grabbed his first aid kit and started to rummage in it for some medicine to help him to clean up the wounds. There were mostly bruises, but there were some cuts on his lip, cheek and nose from the punches that he got from the bullies. He hated them; hated them with passion. He thought that it was going to be over after high school, but he now guessed that it was something that he had no control over.

He wished he had someone to talk to about it; someone who wouldn't be too afraid to be seen with him and someone who would always be there for him.

The door to their room opened and Sam walked in. Garth looked up from staring down at his hands and looked into the mirror as Sam waltzed into the room, tall and all muscled. Garth frowned and looked at himself. His eyes widened up in fear as he realized in what state he was and quickly shut the bathroom door after him, blocking it.

He didn't want Sam to find out about it; not now, not ever.

He looked fearfully at the jiggling doorknob and then Sam started to pound on the door.

"Garth? C'mon, open up. I gotta take a shower, man." Sam's voice was slightly muffled, but it still made Garth jump at the sound of it. He quickly started to collect his stuff, cleaned the area and looked at himself in the mirror. His face was covered in visible bruises, he didn't even want to look down at his clothes, but he had to go out because Sam wanted to come in.

He was going to see Sam, but he was going to ignore him, he was going to go straight to his bed and not talk to him. Garth nodded to himself and then opened the door quickly and walked past Sam, kit in his hand, barely avoiding and colliding with Sam's solid chest. He was barely even a foot away from Sam when he was grabbed by the arm. Garth closed his eyes, tried to calm down and then looked up at Sam; expressionless.

"What the hell happened to you?" asked Sam and looked at Garth worried.

Garth gulped and replied as smoothly as he could. "I-I tripped down the stairs."

Sam quirked up an eyebrow, not believing him, "Huh… If you say so." Sam released his arm and took a step back, still frowning and looking worried. "And be careful next time."

"Yeah," Garth replied and moved to his bed. He quickly changed into his pajamas and got into his bed; back facing to the bathroom door. He heard Sam go in and shut the door after him and sighed in relief. He got away this time, but he was sure that he wasn't going to get away next time it happened and Sam saw him this way. He got more comfortable in his bed and waited until sleep consumed him.

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The next few days past by uneventfully.

Sam was busy with classes and his extra classes with Lucifer were getting more and more interesting. They covered up all Tolstoy's books, and now they were starting to read crime fiction. Sam loved this more than what the Russian authors wrote. While they had their own interesting plot-line, Sam had wanted to start on crime fiction for a long time. And he gladly took yet another book from Lucifer. It was _"And Then There Were None"_ by Agatha Christie. From what he'd heard this was a good book, so he was excited when he started to read it. His face lit up like the Christmas tree when Lucifer gave it to him.

Lucifer saw his face and his cold expression melted away a bit. Sam had that affect on him; to make him relax. To make the cold mask on his face melt away. He scratched the back of his neck, looked at Sam and then walked towards his desk. He tried to read but failed as he kept glancing up at Sam who now had his nose buried in the book. His lips twitched upright in amusement.

He thought about the limited times that they spent together. It was getting harder for both of them to stay alone in an area where no one could see them for an hour or so, and not to jump on each other. Lucifer looked down at his hands and then out of the window. It was raining, again, and it was calming, soothing. He sighed and then closed his eyes; listening to the rain making the small noises against the classroom window, hearing Sam sigh and turn the page of the book. It was calm, and he once again realized that he'd like to have more of this. More of what Sam gave him. Before Sam, he didn't notice these things, he was closed, cold, and he didn't care about his surroundings. Now with Sam, it was different. He paid more attention to the stuff that he really didn't care about before, he appreciated rain most, and he appreciated having company, too. And it was all thanks to Sam. His lips quirked up into a small smile and he did nothing to hide it.

Sam saw the smile, but didn't comment on it. Whatever Lucifer was thinking, Sam didn't really have any objection, as long as he kept that smile a little bit longer.

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It was past eight when Sam went to the library for his Business Law homework. He didn't have an extra class with Lucifer today and it was somewhat a relief because he really needed to study more on his law stuff, because he was a bit behind in his class. And Sam being the nerd he was, never liked to be anything less than the class nerd. So, heavily loaded with books and notebooks, Sam found a table at the far end of the library, where no one would come, and dumped his stuff on the table, sighing in relief as the heaviness lifted off from his arms.

He scattered his books all over the table and opened his notebook and started to do his homework.

It was calm.

No one was around to disturb him, and the library was fairly empty, which was good.

Sam looked around for a book that he needed, but couldn't find it. He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. He dropped his pencil and walked to the far end of the aisles and aisles of shelves until he was at the back where he could find the book he needed. It was eerily quiet and Sam kept glancing behind him. He felt like someone was watching him, but he knew that there was no one. So he shrugged and then started to look for his book. After a few minutes of searching he found the book he was searching for. He grabbed it and with a smile on his face turned and started walking back to his table, but he never made it.

"Jesus!" he gasped as he took a step back from the person he collided with. "What are you doing here?" whispered Sam as Lucifer quirked up an eyebrow at his exclamation.

"It's a library, what do you think people usually do in here?" whispered back Lucifer and took a small step forward.

"Well, to read or research. Fuck if I know." Lucifer chuckled. "What I meant is, what are you doing _here_? Not in the library, but here." Sam whispered quickly.

"Oh! You mean here, here. Ah well…" Lucifer took another step closer. Sam took another back and his back hit the shelf. "I was minding my own business, searching for a book to read, and then I see one of my favorite students walking grumpily towards a table, dumping all of these books on it, and then starting to work on homework. And well, when I saw him leave his table I thought, hey this is a great opportunity to stalk him. So I did, and viola! Here we are."

"Stalk?"

"Stalk. Talk. Same thing." Lucifer shrugged indifferently, taking a step closer. He was now really close to Sam. They didn't have a chance to be this close to each other and Sam shivered as he felt Lucifer's hand brushing against his.

"S-so, what did you want to talk about?" Sam licked his lips and looked down at Lucifer. Being the tall one and being the youngest one in their relationship wasn't something that could make Lucifer stop.

The words barely even left Sam's mouth when he crashed his lips with Sam's, arms wrapping around Sam's body and pulling him closer. Sam was quick to react and he opened his mouth quickly for Lucifer's demanding tongue. He moaned as their tongues brushed. This was probably the first time they actually properly kissed after their first kiss. If the kisses they shared on daily basis were something to go by, this was some sort of a relief on both sides.

Sam pulled Lucifer closer to his body by his shoulders, and Lucifer tightened his hold on Sam. Sam moaned as Lucifer bit softly on his lower lip and sucked on the bite. Sam threw his head back, crashing against the shelf, and not caring about the bruising that might form there. Lucifer was leaving hot-heated kisses on his neck and any kinds of coherent thoughts and speech were out of the window in no time.

He was getting hot and hard. Lucifer's kisses were making him dizzy. He pulled Lucifer's head closer to his neck and grabbed a fistful of hair.

While Lucifer was leaving hot kisses on his neck, and was licking his way to Sam's ear, Sam couldn't hold back himself; he moved his hips forward. Lucifer bit softly on his ear and whispered "Do that again."

Sam shivered lightly and then moved his hips forward. Lucifer groaned and snapped his hips forward. Sam gasped and moved his hands down Lucifer's back and pulled him closer and started to move his hips a bit faster. Lucifer followed suit and then started kissing Sam even more passionately.

Teeth clanked, tongues fought for dominance, noses bumped, and the rhythm of their grinding hips never ceased.

Both of them were hard, both of them could feel how different they are, and both of them were thrilled to release this side of them. Sam whimpered as Lucifer started lazily kissing him, he was so close, so close to the edge, few more grindings and he'd release himself. He didn't even care that he'd look like a horny teenage boy that only got off from grinding his girlfriend, he really didn't care. As long as the both of them were this close to release, he didn't care.

There were footsteps steadily nearing them, but neither of the men paid attention to it.

Sam was practically mewling into Lucifer's mouth, and Lucifer was breathing heavily. He had Sam's shirt bunched up in his hands and he could feel a bit of skin under his hand and he took the opportunity to explore Sam's back. Sam keened and he buried his face in Lucifer's neck and started whimpering as his orgasm hit him. Lucifer was close to follow. His whole body tensed up and he kissed the side of Sam's face. He squeezed him close and kissed Sam's temple.

"Okay?" he whispered and felt Sam nod. He smiled softly and kissed his temple again. He hugged him closer and felt Sam do the same, but the hug didn't last long.

"Sammy…" Sam pulled away from Lucifer, almost violently and looked at his brother with fear in his eyes.

Dean looked at his brother's ruffled hair, wrinkled clothes and swollen lips that could indicate only one thing. His jaw trembled in anger, his hands balled into fists and he looked at Sam dead in the eye.

"What the hell Sammy?" his voice was ice cold and he didn't even try to keep his voice down.

Sam swallowed and he knew that Dean was going to yell if he didn't do anything. He took a step forward and said, "Dean, this is not what you think it is."

"Oh, really? Having his tongue at the back of your throat doesn't give me any second ideas, does it?"

"Dean, please. Let me explain." Sam took another step forward.

"Don't you even dare come closer, Sam."

Sam stopped short as he looked at his brother. He looked upset, his eyes were dull and the most heartbreaking thing that Sam saw in his eyes was disappointment.

Sam swallowed and tried to say something but he couldn't. Instead, he started breathing really fast, as if he were about to have a panic attack. But then he took a deep breath as a familiar hand wrapped itself around his own. He looked down at their hands and breathed more steadily. He swallowed again and looked back up at Dean.

But he was already gone.

Sam took a shuddering breath and realized that even if he had gained something as beautiful as the person that was standing right next to him, gripping his hand really tight, silently reassuring him that he was there for him, he couldn't deny the fact that losing the only one person that he looked up to still hurt.

He felt his eyes sting and get hot, and he pinched the bridge of his nose to stop the tears from falling. He felt a hand over his cheek and lips on his other. Lucifer was comforting him. He took yet another shuddering breath but he couldn't stand anymore so he wrapped his arms around Lucifer and pulled him close. Lucifer hugged him tighter and didn't say anything. Sam was glad for the silence.

And he wished that he could change the last few minutes of his life, but knowing that he couldn't make him even sadder than he already was. And the only thing that was holding him up right now was Lucifer.

He took the strength and comfort that Lucifer gave him, accepting it gladly.


	8. Dean cares

**Thank you so much for the reviews! PLEASE keep them up because they inspire me to write more chapters.**

* * *

**Chapter 8: Dean cares.**

Dean slammed the door shut to his room and started pacing back and forth. He was fuming, he was really angry and he couldn't control his rage as he punched the wall repeatedly. He wanted to scream, he wanted to rage, but he…he wanted to know _why? _Why would Sammy do that? Why would Sammy be with…that horrible person?

He needed to know what made Sammy be with that person. He needed to know. He needed to calm down so he could talk to him. He had to talk to him…

He had to calm himself so he could face Sam without wanting to strangle him and that…man.

"Damn it," Dean whispered and closed his eyes. He took a deep breath, rolled his shoulders and walked out of his room.

He walked down the flights of stairs and then down the corridor towards Sam's room. He took a deep breath and knocked on the door. There were some shuffling from the other side and a few seconds later it opened up and Dean was face to face with Sam.

He seemed to be shocked, but Dean masked his emotions perfectly.

"We need to talk," said Dean. Sam only nodded and moved aside to let Dean in. He closed the door after him and walked towards his desk and sat down, waiting for Dean.

Dean paced around the room a bit and then he turned on his brother. He shrugged and lifted his hands, motioning unnecessarily around. "What the hell Sammy?" he whispered. "I don't get it."

"What part are you really not getting?" Sam's voice was calm.

"The part where you are with _him, _the part where you are even seeing a professor and the part where you were getting off with each other in a fucking library. Are you crazy? What the hell were you even thinking! How dare you even do such thing? He is evil, Sam. More evil than any of us could imagine. He is downright cruel and he doesn't even have a heart. Have you even met this guy? Or are you just going by his looks? Just fucking tell me, what's the deal Sam?"

Sam looked at Dean shocked. "Going by his looks…evil man… Are you listening to yourself? No, seriously. Are you? I'm not crazy, nor am I delusional. I know who he is or what he is. He is a kind man, with a kind heart. He is more understanding than you, or any other person, can ever be." Sam was standing by this point. Being the tallest one of them had its advantages. "He is not evil. And he does have a heart. It's a little broken, and yes he is harsh, but who isn't? Do you see yourself right now? You are biting my head off because I have found something amazing, more amazing, than you could've imagined. Lucifer is kinder and more understanding than you could ever be."

"Sammy, don't say that," Dean whined and scrunched up his face in annoyance.

"But it's true!" Sam boomed. "It's true. He is… I don't know. He is amazing to me, he doesn't find me weird, and I can talk to him for hours and he won't even care if I sound a bit loony or out of my mind even. But you… you are, were, different. You always thought of me like I'm some sort of a crazy person."

"No, it's not true, Sam and you know it!" Dean replied angrily. "You damn well know it that I care about you. I care about you more than anyone else in the world. Screw everyone, I care and love you, because you are my little brother and I absolutely hate seeing you with him, because he isn't worthy of you." Dean took a deep steadying breath. "Don't you see? He is wrong for you-"

"And who gave you the right to decide what is right or what is wrong for me?" Sam cut him off.

Dean felt like he had been slapped. He froze for a second and then straightened up. He run a hand through his hair and looked down. He shook his head and chuckled sadly. He looked up at Sam. "If you want to be with him-"

"-I do."

Dean held his hands up in surrender. "I have nothing else to say to you then." Dean looked hard and long at Sam. Sam straightened up and looked back at him equally. It broke his heart that Dean was being like this. He didn't accept him and his life choices, like always, and seeing him doing it again broke his heart. He was losing Dean over Lucifer, and for all he knew Lucifer might not even care for him. But he had to… If the moment they shared in the library was anything to go by… it shouldn't give him these thoughts.

Dean turned around and walked towards the door. He hesitated and then turned around and said, "I hope whatever you are doing with you and your life are the things that you really want. I hope you don't come crying to me about it later. I really hope you won't." And with that he opened the door, walked out and shut it after him, leaving silence and Sam behind.

* * *

"How was he?" Sam asked Castiel as Castiel pulled his books out from his locker. It was a week after their big fight. There were only a few days left for Christmas holidays.

"He is distressed, as expected," Castiel bent down and winced a bit. Sam looked at him in concern.

"You alright?" Sam asked, worried.

"Yeah, I'll be fine." Sam continued to look at him with worry and Castiel sighed. "He was a bit rough yesterday, that is all."

Sam made a distressed sound and wanted to apologize, but Castiel shook his head. Sam sighed and looked down. "I don't know what to do Castiel. I really don't know. He is being unfair, you know? He says that I can live my life in whatever way I'd like to, but when it comes to me having a relationship with someone who makes me feel whole is unforgiving? Why? Because I'm trying to be happy? Because I'm-"

"Because he cares Sam," Castiel replied and locked his locker. He pulled his backpack up his shoulder and looked at Sam. "He cares about you more than anyone in the whole world, and you know it. He knows Nichols; even before you knew he had a professor like him. He is concerned about you, because he knows what Nichols is capable of. He is older than you for a reason."

"But-"

"No, no 'but's, really Sam. You should've seen him yesterday. He looked…horrible. He felt like you betrayed him in some sort of way. I know why he is like he is right now." Castiel said and leaned against the locker. "Even my brothers were all over the place when I told them that I was dating Dean. They met him and they don't like him. At all. But they are willing to accept him, because he is with me."

"Why can't Dean do that then?" Sam asked, exasperated.

"Because Dean is Dean," Castiel answered simply and Sam, may God help him, understood what he meant by it.

Dean needed a lot more time to come around the fact that Sam was with Lucifer right now. Sam was ninety-nine percent sure that Dean could even not come around. He was too unpredictable, and living with him was never boring, because he never knew what Dean would do.

"What am I gonna do?" Sam whispered.

Castiel sighed and looked at Sam. He looked sad, even broken, barely holding it all together. His heart went out to the guy, because he had been in Sam's situation. Gabriel threw the biggest fit ever imaginable when he said that he and Dean were dating. And Balthazar looked at him like he had grown 3 heads and asked him rather seriously if he was on drugs. It was a horrible experience, and he had cried about it to Dean (who was very…comforting), but a few days later they e-mailed him and told him that they would try to accept the fact that he was now with that "green-eyed boy". It was a start, right?

"Sam, it will take time from him to come around the fact that you are dating someone who he despises. But… knowing him, he will support you, no matter what. Because despite the fact that you're going against him, he is still your brother and he loves you no matter what." Castiel looked down at his watch; he was going to be late for class if he didn't hurry. "So, chin up and be patient with him, okay?" Sam nodded. "Good. Now I better be off, before I'm late for class. See you around."

"Yeah. And Cas!" Sam called after him. Cas stopped and looked back, tilting his head to the side. "Thank you." Sam said and Cas smiled at him. He nodded and then left for his classroom.

* * *

"Sam?"

"hm?" Sam looked up from his book and saw that Lucifer was standing in front of him. He grabbed a chair, turned it around and straddled it.

"We need to talk."

Sam frowned and nodded. He marked his book and closed it; putting it aside he shifted in his sit and waited for Lucifer to talk.

Lucifer rubbed a hand over his face, and Sam could see just how tired he looked. He wanted to reach out and comfort him, but knowing Lucifer he thought better off it. So instead he wrapped his hands in front of him and leaned forward on the table.

Lucifer licked his lips and asked. "How are things with you and your brother?"

"Is this what we are going to talk about? Because I don't have the ti-"

"Sam." There was a warning in Lucifer's voice that Sam couldn't really ignore. So he sighed and closed his eyes.

"We are… we don't talk to each other. I'm not planning on talking to him, because of how he behaved the other time, and how much disrespect he has towards you. I cannot accept that from him."

"Sam, he is your brother. I know how you are feeling right now. You feel like you've been betrayed by your own brother, but you know what? That is what brothers do. They break your heart, but in the end they are the ones that are there for you when no one else is." Sam didn't answer. He continued to look at Lucifer coldly. "Don't look at me like that. I know that I don't have the perfect relationship with my brother, but you're not me. You and Dean share a bond that no one can ever understand." Lucifer moved closer and took Sam's hand in his. Sam shifted in his seat once again, but wrapped his other hand around their both hands. Lucifer spoke softly. "Please, Sam, don't… just don't stop talking to your brother because you're going through a time where he doesn't understand you. Don't do that to yourself. It'll be hard for you to be without him, because you've been raised by him. Yes, I know, he had help from your Uncle Bobby, but he was the one that raised you. He is your guardian. And this… small misunderstanding, it'll pass. He will come around, because I know what it feels like. He is hot-tempered, he acts first and thinks later, and believe me when I say, he will come around. So don't you even dare deny him when he comes to you and asks for forgiveness, okay?"

By the time Lucifer finished, Sam's eyes are brimming with tears. He moved closer and kissed Lucifer softly on the lips. Lucifer cupped his cheeks and kept him in place for a few seconds and then pulled back. Sam rested his forehead on his and whispered. "What was I going to do without you?"

"I don't know," whispered back Lucifer, "Maybe something stupid as not going home for Christmas?" Sam cleared his throat and pulled back. Lucifer looked at him and sighed. "Sam."

"What? No."

"You're being childish."

"I'm not being childish," Sam snapped and stood up from his chair. He started to pace around the classroom.

"Yes, you are, Sam."

"No, I really am not, Lucifer." Sam replied. "I don't want to spend my Christmas with someone who is so close-minded about this, whatever this is." He motioned between them. "I don't want to be with him under the same roof." Sam's voice had finality to it and Lucifer chose not to reply, but it was hard.

"What about your Uncle?"

"I already talked to Bobby and he knows that I'm not going back home this year. He doesn't know why. I just told him that I'm staying over to study."

Lucifer shook his head and then stood up. Walking to a distressed looking Sam, he hugged him and Sam hugged him back. "What are you going to do all alone in here?" Lucifer whispered into his ear and Sam shrugged.

"I don't really know. I'll just read some more books and will do homework and will study for the finals and stuff like that."

They hugged each other for w few more seconds, and then Lucifer pulled back. He leaned in closer and kissed Sam's lips softly. Sam responded with a kiss back. It was a sweet and small kiss, but it still made Sam's hair to stand up.

Lucifer pulled back and looked at Sam. "Would you like to spend it with me?"

"Wh-what?" Sam stuttered out, unsure if he had heard him right.

"Spend the holidays with me," Lucifer bit his lower lip. He looked restless? Sam wasn't really sure what he looked.

"Why?" he asked suspiciously.

"Why? So I can spend it with you, jackass." Lucifer answered like it was the most obvious thing ever.

Sam gave him a cold look and Lucifer smirked and shrugged. Sam smiled and sighed. "Are you sure?"

"If I wasn't sure, I wouldn't ask in the first place," Lucifer replied in a soft voice. He leaned in and kissed Sam again. "And besides, it'll be fun. Right?"

Sam smiled a big smile and said, "Right."


	9. I don't think I'll regret it

**This chapter was supposed to be published 4 days ago, but my and Dee's personal lives needed our attention so that's why it's updated so late. Sorry :( **

**But enjoy the new chapter and please review ^_^**

**Chapter 9: I don't think I'll regret it.**

Sneaking out of the university was a lot easier at seven in the morning when everyone was pretty much asleep as it was the last day at the university. Sam walked towards the black Mercedes Benz that was waiting for him in the parking lot. He opened up the trunk, placed his duffle bag in, and then walked toward the passenger seat.

He got in, got his seat-belt on and looked over at the person on his right side. Ruffled hair, rough edges, black button-down shirt, leather jacket, Lucifer never looked as appealing as he did right then.

"Good morning," said Sam and smiled as Lucifer looked his way.

His eyes were sleepy, but a smile was tugging at the corner of his lips that Sam knew was only for his benefit. "Morning," he said in a gruff voice. He wasn't really a morning person.

"How did you sleep?" asked Sam as Lucifer started his car and they drove off. The only reply he got from him was a shrug. Sam fidgeted in his seat and bit down on his lower lip. He wanted to talk to Lucifer, so their ride to his place wasn't so quiet, but he didn't know what to say.

"Do you live far from the university?"

"About an hour away."

There was silence. Sam fidgeted with his seat belt, and tried again.

"Sooo I talked to Castiel, Dean's boyfriend, and he said that Dean isn't doing so well. Not physically, but emotionally not well, if that even makes sense. I mean, yeah sure, he has to feel bad, but seriously? How long is it going to take him to realize that-" Sam stopped mid-sentence as he realized that Lucifer wasn't really paying attention to him.

Sam sighed and looked out of the window, already thinking that this holiday was going to be long, if Lucifer was going to act like this. It was a great opportunity to spend time with Lucifer because they'd get to know each other more and they'd spend their time together. Plus, they wouldn't have to sneak around to see each other, they wouldn't have to hide. They could hold hands, go out, act couple-y, but Sam was having doubts about it now.

He sighed once more and closed his eyes. Well, if they were going to be silent, he'd take a nap while doing so.

As he was about to sleep, he felt a hand slip into his own, twirling their fingers around each other. Sam smiled and looked down at the hand that was gripping his. He looked at Lucifer who was watching him. Sam quirked up and eyebrow and waited.

"You were saying something," said Lucifer and looked out of the window and at the traffic light; it was still red. He squeezed Sam's hand and looked over at him again.

"Uhm…yeah, it's nothing really. Just my brother's being a jerk, as always and Castiel's trying to build a peace bridge between us. And Castiel having a fit over me spending the holidays with you. He said, uh…never mind." Sam blushed and looked down at their hands. He brought Lucifer's hand up to his mouth and kissed it. This was the first time he kissed his hand and he wanted to do it again and again.

Lucifer swallowed and didn't say anything. There wasn't anything to say, really. So he just gripped Sam's hand tighter and then released it because he needed to drive again.

It was mostly quiet as they drove through the town and toward Lucifer's place. Sam would occasionally ask Lucifer questions and he'd answer them quietly. As much as Lucifer liked to drive in silence it was comforting to have Sam's company. He would speak, non-stop, about subjects that Lucifer never really had any interest in and he would simply listen to him, smile at the right places, or say something that would make Sam more animated in his speech.

He was full of sunshine.

And Lucifer hated himself for dragging Sam into his life.

Few minutes later, they pulled up in front of a cozy looking house. Sam got out of the car and looked around the neighborhood. It was mostly quiet because it was still early in the morning, and by the looks of it, it was quiet during the day too. Sam smiled softly as he walked around the car and towards the house. The garden was neat, there weren't any weeds or dried roots, the outside of the house looked like it was made out of bricks. It looked calming and different from all the other houses around the town.

"Is it like this on the inside?" asked Sam as he turned around and saw that Lucifer was getting their stuff out of the trunk. He quickly walked toward the car and helped him out.

"You mean the walls?" Sam nodded. "Sadly, no, but it does look alright, I suppose." Lucifer shrugged a shoulder and Sam smiled at him. Lucifer winked and walked in the house, Sam was quick to follow.

Lucifer dropped his bags at the foyer and then walked away from Sam to another room. Sam dropped his bag beside Lucifer's and looked around. The house was in brown and off-white colors. It was extremely calming and Sam felt himself relax. He looked down at his boots and decided to take them off, because he didn't want to get the carpets dirty. It was Christmas time, yes, but there wasn't any snow yet. It was really cold outside, and Sam knew that sooner or later it was going to snow.

He took two steps forward and saw that on his left side was the living room, but Lucifer went straight down the corridor. There were staircases too, which would lead to the bedrooms, which wasn't something to think about right now. So Sam walked into the living room and looked around. It was small, comforting and relaxing, there was an open area that led to the dining room, and Sam took two steps into the room and saw that it led to the kitchen.

There was a piano, a sofa, a small coffee table and a TV. There were some photographs that were framed and were standing at the top of the piano. Sam walked toward it and started to look at the pictures. Mostly, the pictures were old, one of them held an attractive looking couple, and Sam thought they might be Lucifer's parents. He looked closely and smiled, so that's where he got his eyes from. Lucifer's mum was picture perfect; her cheekbones were sharp, she had twinkling, kind eyes, her hair was straight and black, and she had a small smile that reminded him of Lucifer's smile…which he wanted to see more on his face. He made a mental note to himself to make Lucifer smile, and then moved to another picture. This one held two young boys standing next to each other, both of them were sulking. Sam recognized Lucifer in no time; his dirty-blond hair was shining under the sun and his green eyes were alight. The other one, Sam presumed, must be Michael; this one had black hair and light blue eyes. Both of them were wearing smart-looking suits and Sam wondered what the occasion was. The other pictures were mostly family portraits. Sam looked at them carefully, memorizing Lucifer's face whenever he spotted him in them.

Right beside the piano, there was a small bookshelf that held a collection of old books. Sam recognized some of them, and the others were foreign to him. There was a black book that didn't have any writings on the side. Curious, he reached out and took it off from the shelf. His eyebrows skyrocketed when he saw what the front said.

"Lucifer?" he called out.

"Yes?"

"Shit!" Sam whirled around and was face to face with Lucifer. "Make a noise or something the next time you try to scare me shitless."

"What's the fun in that?" replied Lucifer with a shrug and a smirk on his lips.

Sam ignored him and held up the book. "Really? I thought you weren't religious."

"I… am not. But I like to read some passages from it from time to time."

Sam frowned, "Why?"

Lucifer shrugged and folded his arms waiting for Sam to say something. Sam looked at the Holy Bible and shrugged. "I'm just surprised. Really. I never thought you'd have it." Sam shook his head and placed it back on the shelf. "You have a nice house." Sam said as a way of starting a conversation.

"Thank you," Lucifer smiled at Sam and Sam's heart fluttered. He needed to get a grip on himself or he'd lose his shit. "It was my grandmother's. She uh wanted me to have it, because she said, and I quote, that I was her favorite grandson and that Michael was an ass and he would ruin her flower gardens."

Sam laughed. "She didn't say that!"

"Yes, she did. She was a lovely woman, kind. She was my favorite grandma." Lucifer smiled sadly at Sam and Sam returned it with a big smile. "I miss her." Lucifer said and shrugged. Sam reached out and took his hand in his, squeezing their fingers together.

Lucifer looked down and then brought it up to his mouth and kissed Sam's knuckles. Sam tried not to shiver, but it was hard. "Come here," he mumbled and pulled Lucifer close to him, he hugged him close and kissed his temple. He felt Lucifer hug him too and smiled softly. He liked hugging Lucifer, because it felt so real and he could completely relax, and he knew if he went completely boneless, Lucifer would be there to catch him. And vice versa.

"I want to take a nap," mumbled Lucifer into his chest, feeling tired.

"Oh okay," Sam pulled back a little and looked down at him. "I'll probably watch some TV or read a book till you wake up."

Lucifer looked at him with tired and sleepy eyes, "Kiss me."

Sam obliged. He leaned in and pulled Lucifer's lips into his. Lucifer sighed contently and opened his mouth to let Sam in. Their tongues tangled up together, stroking and sucking. Sam grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him closer, deepening the kiss. Lucifer bit his lower lip and sucked on it for a good measure. Lucifer pulled him closer by his waist, fingers dipping in into his skin. Sam moaned and pulled back.

"If we don't stop I'll do something that I'll regret later."

"hmm…" Lucifer kissed his jaw line towards his ear and sucked on it. "I don't think I'll regret it."

"I know that you won't," breathed Sam and rubbed his face against the light stubble on Lucifer's face. "But I might, because of reasons."

"Spoil sport," Lucifer bit on his earlobe and pulled back, looking seriously at Sam's flushed face. He had a pink tinge on his cheeks, lips were swollen, and he was breathing hard. "Later, maybe? Because I'd like to know you in a more… private way, if you know what I mean." Lucifer's hand wandered around his back and Sam swallowed hard suddenly feeling like he was about to suffocate. He only nodded and then kissed him on the lips softly. Lucifer kissed him back, squeezing him close and then releasing him.

At that moment Lucifer made a silent promise to himself that he'd always kiss Sam back. No matter what.

When Sam looked back Lucifer tried to hide his disappointment, barely. Sam chuckled at his face and then kissed his nose. "Go to bed and I'll make myself comfy around the house. You've anything to eat?"

"Uh yeah. Go help yourself." Lucifer kissed him again, hard, and then he turned and walked towards their bags. He heaved them up and went up the stairs to the second floor and seconds later Sam listened to a door opening and then closing.

He sighed and sagged against the bookshelf and closed his eyes. He let the reality of situation to sink in.

He was in his Lit Professor's house. He was going to stay here for the holidays. He was in a relationship with said Professor. If they continued to kiss each other like that all the time sex was going to be an inevitable thing that both men wouldn't be able to turn a blind eye on. Sam didn't know if he was ready for it yet, but he knew when the situation arose he'd take control of it in no time. Sam knew himself far too well to not know what his limits were.

Damn it was going to be hard. The way Lucifer looked after they kissed made Sam's knees go all wobbly. The way Lucifer kissed him made his heart-rate skyrocket. The way Lucifer's hands roamed his body…Sam shivered.

Okay, he was more than ready for it, but at the same time he was scared. It was going to be his first time with another man. Yes, he did have on and off relationships with other boys, but he never really had sex with them. Unless you could count the grinding up against each other or jerking each other off, Sam was kind of experienced when it came to that. But he never had been penetrated. He knew that he was going to be a bottom for Lucifer, because he really didn't have a choice in it. Lucifer's body aura practically screamed "dominant" and Sam was willing enough to be a "sub" for Lucifer.

Sam opened his eyes and chuckled. "God, I'm such a teenager." He whispered to himself and then shook his head. He had to clear his mind and find some food, and then maybe take a nap before Lucifer woke up from his own. The couch looked comfy enough, so he went into the kitchen and started to rummage in the drawers. He came up with some cookies, he thought of making something to eat, but he was too tired to do so. So he took the cookies and a glass of water and walked back into the living room. He switched the TV on and changed it to a random movie channel and started to watch whatever it was showing. It was a Christmas related movie. Sam shrugged. Figured, being the holidays and all.

He quickly finished the cookies and drank the water. He laid down on the couch and minutes later, he was fast asleep.

His phone went off when he was already fast asleep, but it wasn't on him, or anywhere in the living room. It was in his bag, and his bag was already in Lucifer's bedroom.

The ID said _"Dean"._


	10. Finally!

**I have no idea why they are watching that movie. Don't ask me how their minds work…**

**And you're welcome :P**

**Reviews will be appreciated :)**

* * *

**Chapter 10: Finally!**

"Why are we watching this movie?" asked Sam as he settled down on the couch comfortably, with his legs tucked in under him.

"No idea," Lucifer murmured and hit play.

It was Christmas Eve already. Sam found it shocking when Lucifer told him that he didn't own a Christmas tree and rather forcibly dragged him to the tree bazaar to buy one. Lucifer was grumpy and looked bored, almost, but then his expression cleared when Sam linked their fingers together and squeezed his hand, turning a brilliant smile at him.

"What do you think of this one?" Sam asked and Lucifer shrugged his shoulders. Sam rolled his eyes and picked the one that he liked the best. And then they bought the ornaments and when they got home, after having delicious dinner, made by Lucifer, Sam got the tree up, while Lucifer sat on the couch and enjoyed the happy face of Sam Winchester.

Now it sat right beside the piano, with lights on. It was dark in the living room and the soft glow from the tree light was casting shadows on them. Sam sighed and watched as the first scene of _"Beauty and the Beast" _started to play. He had no idea exactly why they were watching this movie, but he didn't complain, because it was days like these that made Sam feel content; it made him feel closer to Lucifer.

Even if it was on this kind of movie.

They'd been getting closer and closer to each other in the last few days. They'd make breakfast together, go out for a walk, take a nap in the afternoon, dinner and then watch a movie and then sleep. In separate bedrooms.

Sam sighed and glanced sideways at Lucifer. He was half sitting, half lying down on the couch; his arms were crossed on his chest as he watched the movie. Sam wanted to reach out and touch him, hold his hand maybe, but being a bit shy about it, didn't. Instead he sighed a bit louder, Lucifer's attention.

"Bored from the movie?" asked Lucifer, glancing up at him. Sam shook his head and shrugged.

Lucifer sensing that something was off sat up straighter on the couch and uncrossed his arms, he felt Sam exhale as he did so and Lucifer frowned. "Are you alright?"

Sam nodded and looked at Lucifer as he laid his head at the top of the couch. "I kind of… wanted this Christmas to be more special, you know? Not that it's not special," Sam added hastily as Lucifer frowned deeper. "It is special. It really is. I just… it's weird to spend the Christmas Eve without my brother, you know? We've never been apart on this day and now…" Sam trailed off, eyes dropping down from Lucifer's face.

Moments later he saw a hand gently clasp him under his chin and he was forced to look up. Lucifer was closer to him and he drew in a breath and closed his eyes as Lucifer leaned in and kissed him soundly on the lips. It was a mere brush of lips, sweet and chaste. When he pulled back Sam followed him and molded their lips together into a hard kiss. He wanted to kiss Lucifer as much as he could before they were back to the world where they had to hide.

So Sam kissed him, and Lucifer let him. Sam brought his hand up to Lucifer's face and gripped at the back of his head pulling him closer. Lucifer went willingly. He always would. Sam probed his lips open with his tongue and he held back a moan as Sam's tongue twirled around with his, stroking his, licking the roof of his mouth. He gripped Sam's arm tight, almost bruising him, and then shifted in his seat. He needed to stop before this led to something else. So he pulled back abruptly and Sam let out a swish of air. Lucifer dropped his forehead on Sam's shoulder and took deep breaths through his mouth.

Sam's breathing was erratic, his heart was beating really fast, and he was still holding on to Lucifer's neck. He needed to calm down, but at the same time, his body was tingling. He wanted more, but Lucifer ended the kiss for a reason, and he tried to not to think about that.

He kissed Lucifer's temple and gently pulled him back. His eyes were closed, his brow was furrowed, and his lips were swollen from Sam's kiss. "Hey," Sam whispered and leaned close and kissed his nose, "Look at me."

Lucifer slowly opened his eyes and Sam was glad he was sitting, but wasn't glad about what was happening to his "downtown". Lucifer's pupils were dilated; his eyes were deep green, so deep that Sam found himself drowning in them.

"God, you're gorgeous," exhaled Sam as he fought to breath, suddenly feeling his throat tighten up. He took a steadying breath.

Lucifer's face relaxed and he leaned closer to Sam, head resting on his shoulder and pulled him close, hugging. Sam hugged him back and kissed his temple, trying not to shiver as he felt Lucifer's breath brush over his neck. He tightened his grip on him and willed himself to calm down.

Then Lucifer did something that made Sam's will shatter; his licked his neck, up to his ear, where he bit at his earlobe. Sam pushed him back against the couch and then moved his long legs and expertly straddled Lucifer's hips. He crushed their mouths together, bunching up Lucifer's shirt in his hands and pulling him closer. Lucifer grabbed him by his hips and pulled him closer to his hardness. Sam mewled into his mouth at the friction. Sam let out a breathy moan and moved his hips against Lucifer's. They kissed passionately, teeth clanking, biting, they tasted blood, but neither of them knew who it belonged to. They didn't care. They only cared about this moment, together in each others' arms.

They had all the time in the world.

Lucifer broke from the kiss and growled at the screen. The movie was still playing. Lucifer took the remote from the table and shut the screen. Sam smiled down at Lucifer as he leaned back against the couch, hands resting on his hips comfortably. Sam leaned in and kissed him chastely and felt Lucifer tighten his grip on his hips.

Sam pulled back a bit and whispered. "I want to touch you… intimately."

Lucifer exhaled and replied with, "I thought you'd never ask." And then pulled Sam closer and kissed him with as much passion he possessed. Sam's hands started to roam freely. He pulled Lucifer's shirt up a bit and slipped his hands under them, feeling the skin for the first time. He felt Lucifer shudder as he trailed his hands up and down his back. He felt good. Really good. He was soft too. Sam had the sudden urge to taste him.

"Off," he whispered against his lips and bit down on lower lip. "Take this off, please." He started to claw at his shirt and Lucifer was quick to catch up with what he was doing. With one swift move he pulled his shirt off and over his head. Sam groaned at the sight and then moved in and started to kiss him from his shoulder to his chest, and then up to his neck. Lucifer through his head back and groaned, his mouth open, breathing heavy, hands wandering all over Sam's body.

"Sam," Lucifer groaned as Sam licked and sucked on his neck. "Damn." He was rock hard. He moved his hips to make Sam know about his condition. He hissed as Sam ground down on him. He grabbed Sam by his hair and pulled him close, kissing him hard on the lips, moving his hips under him. Sam followed his movements, hands trailing down his chest, down his stomach and then he hesitated. Could he do it? He hadn't been with another for a long time. He was nervous as hell, but at the same time, he didn't have to worry about it, because Lucifer pulled back and looked straight into his eyes.

"Sam, I like you, okay? I really, really do. And believe me when I say, this moment, right now is the best thing that is happening to me. Don't think that it's my lust-filled mind that is speaking. No, I can differ my rational mind from it. No. I'm saying what I'm feeling right now. I want you Sam," he kissed Sam's jaw line. "I want you so bad that it hurts." He bit softly at his jaw, close to his ear. And then he whispered into his ear, voice rough, strained. "And most of all, I want to feel you. I want to feel you so bad, Sam. I want you to let me touch you. I want you to let me touch you freely, as much as I can, as much as I want. I want _you._" His voice was pure sex to Sam's ear. He found himself moaning at Lucifer's voice, mewling whenever Lucifer growled his needs to him.

Sam caved in.

He didn't have a choice.

He had to.

This had gone on for too long.

For too many months.

There was a voice at the back of his mind that oddly sounded like Dean, telling him this was a bad idea, he shouldn't do it, and he was crazy for doing it. But Sam ignored it. Ignored everyone outside of this house.

He shuddered as Lucifer started to unbutton his shirt. Sam helped him to get it off of him. They both shuddered as their bare chests collided; both of their skins were hot. Their lips met in a searing kiss.

After a moment they parted and looked at one another. Sam's eyes were almost black, filled with lust only for Lucifer, his lips were swollen, cheeks were blushing deep scarlet, and his hair was a mess. Lucifer smiled up at him and licked his lips. "Would you like to take this upstairs, or here is fine?"

Sam swallowed audibly. "Upstairs, please."

Lucifer smiled a small smile and pecked his lips, gently pushing Sam off his lap. They stood up and Lucifer took his hand and then walked towards the stairs, after kissing his knuckle.

They walked up the stairs and into Lucifer's bedroom. It wasn't Sam's first time in his bedroom. He had been here the first day when they got here. It was an ordinary bedroom and Sam liked the simplicity of it. He secretly hoped that he wouldn't have to go back to his room from now on, because Lucifer was pushing him down on his bed and was hovering over him.

Sam smiled up at him and Lucifer leaned in and kissed his lips softly. When they pulled apart, Sam whispered. "I'm nervous."

Lucifer chuckled and kissed his chin, and then his neck, and then his chest. He moved his lips towards Sam's nipple and licked it. Sam's body arched off the bed and Lucifer's mind clouded over. He pulled the nipple in his mouth and sucked on it, distracting Sam from what he was doing. He unbuttoned his jeans and pulled them down.

He moved back and whispered, "Up." Sam lifted his hips and Lucifer pulled down his jeans and boxer briefs in one go. Sam never felt so exposed to anyone as he saw the way Lucifer was looking down at him. Helpless, in a vulnerable position, hair a mess, skin toned with rosy blush, and he was most definitely aroused. Sam twitched, fingers playing with the covers as he waited for Lucifer.

Lucifer laid down on top of Sam aligning their bodies together. Sam moaned at the feeling and bucked his hips up. He clawed at Lucifer's back and moved him closer. "Fuck, Lucifer. Do something." Lucifer moved his hips harder and faster down on him. "Damn it," Sam practically sobbed, "Why are you still so dressed up? Off with your jeans. Now."

"So bossy," Lucifer murmured, but did as he was told.

"You bet your ass I am," Sam said sarcastically. "You better get back down here or I-FUCK," he screeched as Lucifer got back up on top of him, naked and glorious. "Jesus, warn me next time."

"Right," Lucifer grunted and aligned their bodies together. He moved his hips and looked down at Sam who had his head thrown back and was moaning incoherently. He took the opportunity to kiss Sam's neck and started to move down his body. Sam looked as Lucifer kissed him before his eyes closed and he'd hum every time he kissed him. Sam swallowed as Lucifer placed a small kiss on his thigh and then parted his legs, to make room for him.

Sam shifted nervously and waited for Lucifer to start. He looked too damn hot in between his legs and he was pretty sure that he'd make even a better picture with his-oh!

"Jesus fucking Christ!" Sam moaned and threw his head back. His hips left the bed as Lucifer engulfed him in one go and started to move his head up and down. Sam couldn't hold still; he met every move Lucifer did on him. He grabbed Lucifer's head and pulled him closer. Lucifer obliged and took him deeper into his mouth. Thanks to all miracles, he didn't have a gag reflex, so he took as much as Sam offered him. And he was huge.

Sam was getting close, and Lucifer was doing pleasant things to him; licking, sucking, softly biting. He was a writhing mess. He wanted nothing more than to pound his hips into those sinful lips forever.

Lucifer released him with a wet pop and growled, "Give me the lube."

Sam quickly opened the drawer of the night table, and rummaged in it for a bit. He sighed as his hand enclosed around a small tube and passed it to Lucifer. He grabbed the back of Lucifer's head, as the other man opened the cap and coated his fingers with it.

He parted Sam's legs wider and took him into his mouth. Sam cried out in pleasure. He tried to stay very still but he couldn't. His whole body arched up from bed as Lucifer licked his balls as a way of distraction and then slipped a finger inside his tight hole. He thought he was going to come right there and then. A bit of pre-cum oozed out of Sam's cock and Lucifer quickly licked it away. Sam hissed.

He quickly worked Sam up and then moved on top of Sam's body and kissed his lips languidly, fingers still moving.

"How are you?"

"How do you think?" Sam growled and then moaned as Lucifer added another finger. He couldn't hold on anymore. He was ready, he knew it. He wanted Lucifer right now.

"In me, in me, in me," chanted Sam, urging Lucifer to hurry up. Finally, Lucifer's fingers left his body and he got more comfortable on top of him. Lucifer kissed him and then Sam felt him sliding in him. He thought he was going to die from pleasure. It was painful at first, yes, but it was a pleasant ache that Sam welcomed.

Lucifer dropped his forehead on Sam's sweaty chest trying to hold still, trying so hard not move yet, but he was failing. The heat that surrounded his member was painfully tight and all he wanted to do was pound into it mercilessly.

So he did.

He moved back and then back in one swift move. Sam groaned. He did it again. And again. And again. He did it as many time as he could, until Sam was practically crying.

Lucifer was close. He was so close that his hard movements faltered. "Fuck, you feel so good." Lucifer whispered. Hearing his voice was the end for Sam, as he was pumping in the rhythm of Lucifer's hip moves. Sam came all over himself, his stomach being coated with his cum. He didn't care.

Lucifer moved faster; he grabbed Sam's legs and threw them on his shoulders, the position giving him more access into Sam's welcoming body. He grunted and squeezed his eyes shut, because he couldn't look down at Sam. His eyes were black from arousal, and he knew that if he looked at them, he wouldn't last long. He leaned closer to Sam's body, hands level with his head, and he moved his hips as fast as he could in this position.

Sam tried to follow his pace, but couldn't.

After a moment of heavy movements, Lucifer's face crumpled up, his mouth hang open and he let out a small whimper as he came. Sam thought he had never seen anyone look as beautiful and angelic as he saw Lucifer's face as he came. Sam's heartbeat raced and stuttered to stop as Lucifer fluttered his eyes open and looked down at him.

Lucifer, shaking from the strain and stress, pulled down Sam's legs from his shoulders, pulled out of him slowly, both of them grunted in pleasure, and then laid his head down on Sam's chest and kissed the skin there. Sam smiled and kissed the top of his head.

"Okay?" whispered Sam.

"Okay," whispered back Lucifer. After a moment, they both fell asleep, exhausted from pleasure.


	11. Secret Keeping

**I added another warning in the first chapter. Go and check it out if you'd like to.**

**and let's have some plot thickening thingy.**

**Review, please!**

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**Chapter 11: Secret Keeping**

Sam woke up feeling pleasantly sore.

He was lying face down, face smashed into a fluffy pillow, his hair shadowing his eyes. He slowly moved his hand up and moved his hair from his eyes and looked at the clock on the nightstand, which indicated that it was already 11:30am. He yawned widely and then started to stretch, listening to the satisfying crunching sounds his body was making. He winced slightly from the soreness of his back, but it didn't stop the soft smile that graced his lips. He flipped onto his back and stared blearily at the ceiling. His mind was sluggish from sleep, but a moment later he started to get back his senses and realized that he was alone in bed. He frowned and looked to his other side; the bed was empty.

He rolled off the bed and started to search for some clothes. He saw a gray shirt on a chair and sweatpants beside it and without thinking about it, grabbed them and pulled them on. He instantly felt suffocated by Lucifer's scent and he had to take a moment to right his footing. Wow. He felt dizzy and at the same time he suddenly desired to smell the real thing. He walked out of the bedroom and down the hall towards the bathroom. He relieved himself, washed his face and did a once over. Judging himself presentable he walked down the stairs and listened carefully.

There was soft music playing from the kitchen and Sam smiled as he made his way towards it. He opened the door as quietly as possible and leaned against the wall and watched as Lucifer made breakfast for them. It smelled lovely, as it always did whenever Lucifer was in the mood to cook, which was quiet often. Sam liked that side of Lucifer, along with other things that he liked in him. But the food that he'd make, even if it was a simple sandwich, was always the best thing Sam had ever had in his entire life.

Sam bit his lip and then moved into the kitchen more and towards Lucifer. He was wearing a black t-shirt, which was tight on him, and Sam could see his muscles move under it, and his gray sweatpants were hanging low on his hips.

Sam wrapped his arms around Lucifer's waist and kissed the back of his neck, then rested his head on his shoulder. Lucifer didn't even jump or make any noise. He turned around kissed Sam's cheek.

"Morning," his voice was gruff.

Sam smiled, "What are you making?"

"Just some random stuff," Lucifer shrugged indifferently. Sam smiled at his profile and kissed his cheek and then moved away so he could start the coffee. They worked together silently. Another routine they did every morning. Sam would make coffee and Lucifer would make breakfast.

After a while they sat at the small dining table and started to eat their breakfast. Sam hummed approvingly and Lucifer smiled at him. "This is good," commented Sam, around his mouthful. There was a crumble of eggs dangling from the side of his mouth and Lucifer reached out to wipe it with a napkin. "Oh, thanks," said Sam and wiped the clean place with the back of his hand self-consciously.

Lucifer took a sip of his coffee and then his phone went off. He looked down at the ID and bit his lip, "Excuse me." He mumbled and then left the table and out of the kitchen, down the hall and up the stairs where Sam heard the sound of a door being closed after him.

This was yet another routine they had in the morning while having breakfast. They'd eat silently, share small smiles, and then someone would call Lucifer, who'd answer it and go up to the second floor, where he'd be in the bathroom for an hour or so, and then would take a nap for 3 hours. Sam didn't know who called him, Sam didn't know what happened behind the closed doors of the bathroom, he didn't even know why Lucifer needed those three hours of sleep.

Lucifer was keeping a secret and he'd be damned if he didn't find out what it was.

Sam pushed away from the table and slowly made his way up the stairs. As he walked down the hall, being extremely cautious about his footing, as to not make a sound, he heard Lucifer's voice coming from the other side of the bathroom door. He walked towards the door and leaned closer to it to listen to the one-sided conversation.

"Yeah, no, I didn't use protection… I don't know, he seems to be alright… no, no, he looks alright… Yeah, I know it was foolish of me to not use it-yes." There was a sudden pause. Sam frown deepened. What the hell? "I can't do that to him… no… yes, I know it'll be for-come on. I can't do that, I'm sorry, but no. I can't do that to Sam. He is not ready to hear the truth! I-I still need him… Yes, I know the consequences of that, but… Will you let me talk?" Sam heard Lucifer sigh tiredly. His voice was muffled as he asked. "What should I do then?... It'll break him… Better late, then never, huh?" Lucifer chuckled, and then his voice grew serious and Sam had to lean in more to be able to listen. "Do you… do you think it was wrong for us to do it?" There was a long pause and Sam waited with shallow breathing. He heard Lucifer sigh once more. "I guess I'll just have to be careful… yeah, sure. Talk to you later, bye."

And then there was silence.

Sam looked at the door with an unreadable expression. He was feeling confused, disoriented. He took a deep, steadying breath, willing his racing heart to calm down. What the hell was happening? Who was Lucifer talking to? Why was it a mistake for them to not use a protection? As far as Sam was concerned both of them were clean.

Or were they really?

Sam rubbed a hand over his lips and looked at the bathroom door. Could he go in? He could if he wanted to. Did he really want to, though? Was he really ready to learn the truth? The truth of whatever Lucifer was hiding. His hand reached out towards the door handle.

Should he do it?

Was he ready?

Lucifer was right; he wasn't ready. He still wanted to live in this fairytale life where it was only him and Lucifer, and the Christmas morning where it was supposed to be fun. Where they should've had another go. To repeat yesterday's fun times… But instead, he was standing in the hallway, listening to Lucifer talking to an unknown person. Unknown to Sam.

What was he supposed to do?

Sam dropped his hand back to his side.

He'd wait for Lucifer. Whatever he was hiding, wouldn't be that horrible to know, right? It wouldn't break them, right? It wouldn't break him…

Sam let out a shuddering breath and walked down the hall and down the stairs. He needed some air. He got his boots on, got his jacket on and walked out of the house. Not looking back. Not seeing the haunted expression of Lucifer's face as he saw him leave.

* * *

"Hey Sam," Cas answered his phone after one ring.

"Hey Cas, can I talk to you?"

"Yeah sure, I'm free. What's up?"

_I'm free,_ meant that he wasn't with Dean. Sam sighed, grateful of small miracles.

Sam took a breath and started to tell what he heard in the morning. He discretely left out the part where he and Lucifer had sex last night, but told him that they were closer now. Cas didn't question further on that subject, but listened quietly as Sam ended his tale with a frustrated sigh.

"So… that's all I heard and that's all that has been happening. I never ask him questions of what he does in his one hour in the bathroom and then taking that much needed three hours of sleep. I never see him when he gets out of the bathroom and then goes into his bedroom. I just see him when he wakes up from that nap."

"Does he behave strangely after that?"

"Well, he is more sluggish, definitely, but I guess he is like that always, right? I mean, he is really slow and stuff… I don't know. I really don't know."

"What is your theory Sam?"

"I have no idea." Sam sighed and sat at a bench in the park their street had at the end of the road. "I really have no idea. I don't know what he is doing, I feel like I don't even know him when he does things that I don't know about. You know what I mean?"

"Yeah," Cas replied after a minute of silence. "Yeah I know what you mean, but Sam… what if he isn't ready to share it with you yet? He'll tell you when it's the right time, right? I don't know him, but you do. Do you think he'd be able to keep a secret from for so long, and I remember you telling me that he shared his family problems with you when you first got together, right?"

"Yes, he did." Sam sighed again, running a hand in his hair he looked down at the melted snow under his boots. "What do you think I should do now?"

"Go back home," Cas said, "Go back to him, talk to him like nothing happened, and in time, he'll tell you all about it. Don't push him. Don't try to coax anything out of him, because if you'll try to, he'll shut down on you and won't tell you anything. Take it… slow. And be patient."

"I'll try to behave," said Sam seriously and Cas chuckled.

"Yeah, behave is the word I'd use here. Sam," his voice took a serious note. "Keep me updated, alright? I worry about you. A lot. So does Dean. Why haven't you called him? He is waiting for your phone call, you know."

Sam did know. After the first day of the missed call, Sam didn't have it in him to call Dean to find out what he wanted. After that day he never stopped calling Sam. Every morning Sam would wake up and see that he had a missed call from his brother. He couldn't find it in him to call back, no matter how much he tried. He'd take his phone, scroll down his contacts and hover over Dean's name and then he'd shut his phone and throw it away so he wouldn't call.

Sam sighed. "I can't Cas, not yet. I still need time." Sam heard Cas sigh and he felt bad for making Cas go through it. "I'm sorry." He said his voice low.

"It's hardly your fault, Sam. I know Dean is a stubborn asshole, but he is willing to take the first step toward mending things between you two, so I guess you should…uh…grow up and call him."

Sam could imagine Cas shuffling his feet in a nervous habit and despite the circumstances, Sam found himself smiling. "I guess I should grow up, shouldn't I?"

"Yup," there was a noise at the other side of the line, "Dean's home, I've to go now Sam. Will you be alright?"

"Yeah yeah, go. I'll talk to you later. And Cas?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you."

"Don't mention it."

* * *

Sam slipped into bed next to Lucifer, shivering from the outside cold, but it was warmer in here, and he slithered closer to Lucifer's body as a way of keeping himself warm.

Lucifer was still asleep. His face was relaxed, an adorable pout was gracing his lips and Sam smiled. He leaned close and kissed his lips softly. When he pulled back Lucifer shifted slightly, a breath leaving from his lips. After a moment of small movements Lucifer's eyes fluttered open and he blinked sleepily.

Sam looked at him, with shallow breathing; Lucifer was beautiful. His hair was sticking out in every direction; his lips were swollen and pouty from sleep, eyes bright green as they started to focus, cheeks flushed from sleep. Sam thought that he was the most beautiful creature he had ever seen in his life. And he was lucky enough to have him in his life.

Lucifer pulled back a bit and frowned at him, looking suspicious, "How long have you been lying in here and watching me sleep?"

"Awhile," whispered Sam.

"Creepy," came the simple reply and Sam chuckled. He leaned close and hesitantly kissed him. He wanted it to be a small, chaste kiss, but he melted into it, as he felt Lucifer's fingers running through his hair and then gripping the back of his neck, keeping him in place. He let Lucifer's tongue slip into his mouth and their tongues brushed against each other, teased, twirled around. By the time they pulled back both of them were feeling dizzy and a bit breathless.

Lucifer sighed and shifted closer to Sam, nuzzling his face in Sam's neck and settling down next to him. He hummed approvingly and Sam felt him sag; he was asleep again. Sam bit his lip and wrapped his arms around him, pulling him closer.

Whatever Lucifer did in the bathroom every morning, whatever made him feel this way he did now, whatever made him sleep for hours during the day, Sam needed to find out all about it. He needed to know what he was doing to himself so if he could; he would be able to help him.

He needed to know.

He kissed Lucifer's forehead, lingering there for a bit, and then he slowly flipped onto his back, dragging Lucifer with him, settling him down by his side and closed his eyes. He felt Lucifer shift a bit until he found a position which was comfortable for him and he drifted off to sleep. Sam kissed the top of his head one more time, adjusted their blanket securely around them, and moments later he was fast asleep too.


	12. Feeling and falling

**I love this chapter and I don't know why.**

**Slash ahead.**

**PS: keep the reviews coming. They are all welcome..**

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**Chapter 12: Feeling and falling**

"Do you think he'll call?"

Cas stared at Dean's profile. He looked beautiful under the faint sunlight that was peeking through the clouds above them. It was a lovely day outside and he and Dean decided to take a walk. After some walking they decided to sit down on one of the broken cars at Bobby's backyard.

Dean was looking down at his phone and was twirling it around when he asked the question. He sounded small, he looked tired. Cas tutted and reached out a hand and ran it through Dean's hair, whose eyes fluttered shut and leaned into his touch. Cas gripped the back of his neck lightly and leaned in and kissed his temple.

"I'm sure Sam will call, Dean. He knows that you only meant well when you tried to stop him," He saw Dean frown. It broke his heart. Poor Dean. "But you have to give him time and a chance, don't you? I'm sure that there came a time in your life when he gave you a chance to prove yourself." Dean's lips twitched up a bit.

"Yeah…" He cleared his throat, it was suddenly too tight. "I just…" he sighed and tried again, his voice sounding even smaller. "I just want to talk to him again. I just want to know that he is fine. That… that Nichols isn't doing anything that is out of line… that will eventually hurt him. I don't want him to hurt, Cas."

Big green eyes locked with bright blue eyes.

Green eyes were watery.

Blue eyes looked concerned.

"Dean…"

"He is going to hurt, isn't he?" Dean whispered miserably. Cas' heart ripped apart. God, it hurt him too much to see him like this.

"Everyone hurts, Dean." Whispered Cas soothingly. "You can't protect people from not hurting. From choosing something that is out of your hands." He started to run his hand in Dean's hair, loving the softness, loving how it played under the light sunlight. "I know how you feel," Cas whispered after few seconds of silence.

"Hmm?"

"Gabriel had a phase where he thought that he was doing the right thing with dating with a man who was, well, not '_good'_ for him," Dean turned his head and looked at Cas as he spoke. "He was a drug dealer. He had a business and Gabriel fell for his charms. Balthazar and I tried to stop him from seeing him again. But we couldn't. He'd lock himself up in his own bedroom for hours and then sneak out in the middle of the night. I'd stay awake till he'd come back. I'd listen to him retching in the bathroom, no doubt after drinking so much with him. No doubt doing stuff that made him feel sick of himself. I'd go to him when he'd finish. I'd clean him up and would help him into his bed. He'd cry and would beg me to not tell anyone. Not even Balthazar. Not even me. I don't think he knew that I was there for him the whole time. I don't think he recognized me, being so high and all. And it hurt. It hurt so damn much to see him like that… Dean, do you know what I did in the end? I let him go. I let my own brother, my Gabriel, go and choose his own life for himself." Cas took a deep breath and released it shakily. He let out a bitter laugh and continued. "Do you know that the douche he was "dating" died from an overdose? And Gabriel was minutes, _seconds_ away from going after him, but we got there in time. Yes, I promised myself that I wouldn't go after him, that I wouldn't interfere in his life, but I couldn't stop. Because at the end of the day, he is still my brother and I love him no matter what. Bad decisions, good decisions, he is still my oldest brother and I love him dearly. What I'm trying to say, Dean, is that you need to learn to accept that not everything happens as we want them to."

"What do I do now?"

"You'll just have to wait. Wait for Sam to come back, because he will. Trust me… he will come back."

Dean looked at Cas; his eyes were open, honest, they were glittering under the sunlight, he dark hair was moving above his head as the soft breeze ran through it, his lips were red and full, his cheeks tinted with a light blush from the cold, he never looked so innocent, but yet, so strong that Dean felt his heart swell inside his chest and he had to refrain himself from smashing their lips together and kiss him senseless.

"Cas?" he whispered, voice still small, throat too tight.

"Yes, Dean?"

Dean snaked his hand up his neck and pulled him close, until their foreheads rested against each other. "Don't ever change."

Cas smiled. Dean leaned in and kissed the smile. Cas pulled back and nudged his nose against Dean's cheek, hands caressing his cheek. "Are you alright?" he asked.

"I will be. As long as…" Dean trailed off and looked into Cas' eyes. Cas swallowed, throat tightening and mouth suddenly dry.

"As long as what?" he whispered.

"As long as you'll be in my life," Dean knew he sounded like a teenager, but he didn't care. Everything about Cas made him feel young. Made him feel like he deserved it… like he deserved to be happy. All his life he was convinced that happiness was pain, happiness was sadness, but here, right now with Cas was proving him wrong.

Happiness was small kisses. Small, secretly shared smiles. The hand that was caressing his cheek. The hand that couldn't leave him alone for a second, but he didn't mind because it was happiness.

He looked at Cas' face; it was like looking at a bright sky with the sun shining bright. His eyes were the bluest of the blue, his face was brighter than the sun, and when he smiled… when he smiled Dean felt like his heart was going to get ripped from his chest. And he wouldn't have been surprised if it did just that.

When Cas smiled his whole face would transform; the corners of his eyes and the middle of his nose would crinkle up. Cas did crazy things to him and he welcomed all of the feelings.

"You look beautiful," he heard himself whisper. Cas' smile stuttered a bit and Dean leaned in close. He kissed Cas' lips softly, sweetly, he tried to pour all the things he was feeling at that moment into the kiss. He felt Cas' breath stuttering on his cheek and he cupped his face in his hands and gently tilted his head to the side and deepened the kiss. Cas gripped at his hair tighter and pulled him closer, body pushing up against the firm chest that was heaving from being breathless. Cas twirled his tongue with Dean's.

It was heated. It was passionate. It was a silent promise.

It was a promise that they'd be together as long as they could.

A promise of love.

A promise of forever.

And Dean was thrilled and terrified at the same time. But he knew that Cas was there and he'd help him though this and he felt safer and he drank in everything that Cas had to offer. Drank it like he was a starving man, and Cas let him.

Cas wanted him to have it. Cas wanted to give everything to him and he didn't regret it one bit.

He wanted Dean. And he'd have him as long as he could.

* * *

Sam's eyes fluttered open. It took him a few seconds to realize who he was, and then another to realize where he was. He closed his eyes and sighed contently. His eyes opened again and then he felt a small fluttering sensation at the back of his neck. He smiled softly and then arched his neck a bit to give more access to the lips kissing him. He sighed when firm and strong hands wrapped around him and pulled him back against an equally tight chest.

He felt a body align against his own, legs tangling up, arms pulling him more tightly against the firm chest, hand moving up and down at his side almost lazily, he felt hardness against his back and he squirmed back, eliciting a small catch of breath from _him._

Sam turned his head to the lips that were pretty much attached to his neck and then the lips were kissing him softly, sweetly, lazily. Sam returned the kiss. He felt like he was in clouds, floating, he felt somehow relaxed…

The hand on his side slowly moved down his body and Sam squirmed again, his breathing speeding up.

The hand sneaked in into his boxers and grasped firmly at his hardness. Sam let out a breath that he didn't even realize he held. His hand grasped at the forearm and against his hip and he moaned as the hand started to move.

"Jesus…" he breathed out.

"Do you like this Sammy?" Lucifer's voice was a low rumble against his back and Sam shivered lightly, not even trying to hide it.

"Yes," he moaned out and his hips started to move accordingly. "Don't stop… don't ever stop."

Sam groaned low. He turned his head and hissed at the crook of Lucifer's neck as Lucifer snapped his wrist in an angle that made Sam bucked his hips up.

Lucifer was a natural. He knew how much to squeeze, how much pressure to apply, knew what would make Sam go crazy and cry out into his neck, knew if he would change the angle of his hand Sam would bite his neck like he was doing right now. Knew if he gripped him a bit tighter Sam would shriek "_Jesusfuckingchrist_" and would squeeze his eyes shut, mouth open, hot breath puffing against his neck. Knew if he pumped faster Sam would move with his hand, fucking himself into his hand. Knew when Sam arched his back one hand gripping tight the bed sheets, the hand tightening on his forearm for a second and then moving up and pulling at his hair firmly, turning his head towards his lips and kiss him senseless.

Hips still moving, breathing ragged, and Lucifer couldn't help but move his other hand down and pump his own hardness for a bit and then ease himself into Sam. Sam mewled at the feeling but didn't complain about the fact that he didn't use a lube to ease himself in. Sam wanted to feel the pain and he opened up his legs a bit, getting rid of his boxers first, and thrust his hips back to give Lucifer more access. Lucifer was slowly easing himself in, very carefully and Sam didn't move, because he wanted to savor the feeling too. He wanted to feel how it felt when Lucifer entered him. Wanted to bury the feeling inside him…

By the time Lucifer was in Sam was gripping his hair so tightly that he thought it was going to come out of the roots.

But he didn't care.

Didn't even spare a second thought about it.

All he could think about was the man in his arms. The man who was crying out his name like it was a sin. Crying out his name like he starved for it.

He turned his head down and looked at Sam as Sam looked up at him. His face was so open that Lucifer felt breathless.

Sam was hot.

Too hot.

Too precious.

And he hated himself for falling. Falling hard and fast.

Falling like he never fell.

Falling through the darkness.

Moaning with Sam.

Buckling his hips up and feeling the tightness around him.

Feeling and falling… that was all he wanted.

He wanted to feel…

He wanted to fall…

He wanted Sam to fall with him.

He fell shouting Sam's name like a prayer.

Shouting as if it was the only thing that was holding him up now.

Shouting as if it was the only thing that mattered.

Shouting as if… if Sam wasn't there, he'd fall into darkness.

And if he fell he wanted to drag Sam with him.

It was a cruel and evil act, but he wanted to… but at the same time he didn't want to hurt Sam.

His precious Sam that was coming undone in his arms.

And he was there to hold him. As long as he was the one that was holding.

As long as he could…

He hated himself more than anyone ever hated him.


	13. Secret: Out

**Plot-twisty thingy? I don't know. **

**But long chapter yay!**

**PS: I know what I'm writing. I went through it, well not the same thing but it's still the same, so I know.**

**Just read and leave a review, please. I'd really like to hear what you have to say about this chapter. I already made my Beta cry. Poor Dee :(**

**Reviews = keep me writing more.**

* * *

**Chapter 13: Secret: Out**

Sam woke up to the sound of someone retching up in the bathroom. He blinked groggily up at the ceiling and then looked at his left side which was empty. He frowned and listened carefully. He heard the noise again. He quickly got off the bed, got his boxers on and padded towards the bathroom. He knocked on the door gently and then opened it.

Lucifer was sitting on the floor, elbows resting on the toilet seat, head in between his arms. He was dry heaving and coughing, his whole body was shaking. With a groan he tilted his head in and retched some more. Instantly, Sam was by his side, one hand lightly rubbing up and down his back, and the other smoothing back his hair.

After a moment Lucifer took a deep breath and glanced sideways. "Sam?"

Sam gulped down his concern and looked at Lucifer; he was a mess. His eyes were red and puffy, he was sweating and he looked pale. Sam kneeled down beside him. "Yeah."

"You shouldn't be here," Lucifer whispered and coughed violently; he was coughing blood. Sam stared helplessly at him and rubbed his back.

"Sshh don't talk," Sam whispered and sat down on the floor.

Lucifer groaned and fell back against Sam. Sam wrapped one arm around him and brought him closer, and with the other he reached out to grab a towel off the wall to clean Lucifer's mouth

"Hey, hey I got you. I got you…" Sam whispered and kissed his temple. "Let's get you to bed, ok? Careful, now," Sam helped him up and walked him towards the sink. He washed his face with cold water, as Lucifer rested against him; he couldn't stand up on his own for long. Sam wiped his face with a towel and then started towards the bedroom.

Lucifer sat down on the bed slowly and Sam helped him to lie down, getting a blanket over him as he started to shake lightly. Sam kneeled down beside the bed and Lucifer grabbed at his hand. He brought it up to his lips and kissed the knuckles lightly.

"Do you want me to get you anything?" Sam whispered, concern slipping into his voice. He really didn't have any idea what to do. Sam frowned as Lucifer squeezed his hand. "Tell me what to do, and I'll do it."

"Stay… please." Even his voice sounded weak. Sam's frown disappeared and he sighed.

"Of course I will. I'm not going anywhere."

Lucifer kissed his knuckles again, and looked at Sam with warmth in his eyes. Sam tried to smile, but it was sort of a grimace. After a moment, Lucifer's eyes drooped and he was asleep in no time.

Sam stayed where he was and looked at his face; he still looked pale, and he looked clammy too. Sam pinched the bridge of his nose, with his free hand, and then ran it through his hair and thought.

They didn't eat anything funny, nor did they do anything that might cause Lucifer to feel like this. So what was it that caused him to feel like this? He glanced around the bedroom. On the nightstand, beside the lamp, was Lucifer's cell phone. He looked at Lucifer's sleeping face and he leaned down and kissed his forehead. After a moment of hesitation he grabbed the phone and then slipped out of the bedroom. He was going to regret this, he was sure, but his curiosity was peaked.

He unlocked the phone and then hit the green button to see whom he was calling. He leaned back against the wall as he read the same contact over and over again.

_Dr. Brown_

_11:10 am_

_Dr. Brown_

_15:00 pm_

_Dr. Brown_

_19:00 pm_

Sam frowned. Why would he call a Doctor? As far as Sam was concerned, Lucifer was healthy and didn't need to call some Doctor. This didn't make sense. And apparently, he called him every few hours. His hand hovered over the green button again… should he? What was the worst he could find out? Maybe that he had some sort of flu? Or maybe he was just a family friend?

Sam licked his dry lips and then glanced inside the bedroom. Lucifer was cuddling up with a pillow and was fast asleep. Sam closed the door and walked down the stairs towards kitchen where he sat on the table and without a second thought pushed on the green button and waited. It rang only two times and then someone answered it, who sounded concerned. And it was a woman. Sam frowned.

"Lucifer? What is it? Are you alright?"

"Uh hello," said Sam, "This isn't Lucifer."

There was a beat of silence. "And who is it then?"

"I'm Sam, Lucifer's…" what? Friend? Boyfriend? _Lover?_

"Sam?" there was some sort of recognition in her voice. "Tell me what is it? Did he forget to take his medicine? Is he alright? Talk to me."

"Uhm medicine? What? Hold on," Sam was suddenly feeling extremely hot on the neck. "I just called to know what's happening with him. He seemed to be fine today, but I woke up to him retching up in the bathroom about an hour ago. He is pale and he is sleeping right now. He…" Sam had to take a breath here. "Tell me what's happening with him."

"He-he didn't tell you?"

"Tell me? Tell me what exactly?"

"Oh, Sam… I don't think it's my place to say it. Maybe you should wait for hi-"

"No." Sam bit out more forcefully than he intended to. "Just…just tell me what it is. I'm pretty sure that you already know him more than I do, because he probably calls and talks to you more than me."

"No, Sam, I-"

"And you do know how secretive he is. So you're gonna have to tell me what's happening here or I'll just I don't know, ok? I'm desperate here. He… he goes to bathroom every morning after breakfast, locks himself up in there for an hour or so, and then takes a long nap. And he looks tired, but he tries to hide it, but I can see it on his face. It's pretty obvious that there's something going on with him. So, please… please just tell me what's happening here." Sam took a deep breath and continued in a softer voice. "I just wanna know so if I can, I could help him out, you know? I… care about him. He means a lot to me, and I want to help him."

"It's not my place to say it. It's a privacy policy kind of a thing. I'm not allowed to breathe any word of my patient to you, or anyone, if he won't tell you first."

Sam sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Please, doctor. I'm begging you. I'm the only person here, and I'm sure you can't come over, you gotta tell me what's happening to I'll know how to help him. Please."

There was a silence.

"He is dying, Sam."

If Sam wasn't sitting down he'd probably fall down. Time stopped for him. There wasn't anything he could feel. He felt like his hearing was vacuumed and the only thing that he could hear was a soft buzz going on inside his mind. He felt numb. His hands felt heavy, his heart felt heavy and he was sure his heart stopped beating for a second.

"What?" he choked out, unable to breathe. He was going into shock. He was sure of it.

"He came to me about 2 years ago. He told me that he had some abdominal pain in the upper abdomen, he vomits and that he feels somewhat weak. And he told me that he was pretty sure that he lost some weight. So we checked him in. We ran some tests and we found out that he has cancer."

"C-cancer? What?" Sam whispered hand coming up to cover his eyes.

"Stomach cancer Stage 3, to be more specific," said Brown softly.

"How-how bad is it?" Sam asked.

"It's pretty bad, Sam. We asked him why he didn't come in sooner, but he said that he hadn't felt like it. Of course it made me angry. It was stupid of him to ignore the fact that he was feeling restless, of course. And he acknowledged it with a smirk. I wanted to smack him over the head, but it would be unprofessional of me to do so, of course. So we signed him up for chemotherapy first. We decided to start with a slower dose and then increase it if we saw any difference. Of course there wasn't any. We offered a surgery."

"He declined," said Sam, of course he did, and because if there were scars Sam was sure he'd be able to see them.

"Yes, he did. We continued with the chemotherapy. Higher doses. He changed. One day he was alright with it, and then the next day he wasn't. His body refused to accept the cure that we were trying to set inside him."

"And that's when he decided to stop it," Sam whispered.

"Yes," said Brown. "He refused to accept any more chemotherapy and refused to be checked on. But I am as stubborn as he is. I told him to call me daily, and keep me updated on how he is. I gave him some medicine to help him to get through his life, as normally as he can."

Sam hesitated and then asked. "How long do you think he has, doctor?"

"I'm not quite sure. But I'd probably say few months?"

"F-few months?" Sam asked, shocked. "Jesus…"

"I'm sorry Sam."

Sam nodded and then said gruffly, "Yeah, me too. I probably should go now…"

"Yeah sure, and Sam?"

"Yeah?"

"I know that this is too much information to accept right now, but please, do not stress him out, okay? He needs his rest."

"Yeah. Okay…"

* * *

It was too much information.

Sam sat on the chair in the bedroom and watched as Lucifer slept. He looked peaceful, he was still pale and his breathing was shallow, but he looked a bit more like himself.

Sam didn't know what to do. There was still a day to go till New Year's and Sam felt like he was a teenager again when he found out that his parents died in a car. It was the worst New Year's, ever. Sam ran a hand through his hair and sighed. This was hard. This was really hard. Not only had Lucifer lied to him, but also he was going to… Sam didn't even want to think about it.

How didn't he notice it? Sure he looked pale and looked somewhat weaker than usual, though the sex was still great as ever, but Sam didn't really notice any big changes. He felt bad. He felt like a really bad person for not noticing such things. How could he miss it? He looked at Lucifer's face and he felt bad, because Lucifer indeed looked sick. Sam rubbed the back of his hand at his eyes and yawned. He was getting tired, but he wanted to stay awake when Lucifer would wake up. He wanted to talk to him, and he really wished not to get too angry at him.

* * *

After an hour or so Lucifer started to stir and Sam sat up straighter in his chair.

Lucifer blinked few times and then he stretched out, his t-shirt riding up a bit and Sam tried not to stare. He was, indeed, getting thinner. He rubbed a hand over his eyes and looked around the bedroom, he spotted Sam, sitting on the chair and his lips turned upright. Sam didn't return the smile.

Lucifer frowned in confusion and then started to sit up in bed; he placed the pillow against the headboard and leant back against it. He was still weak and his body hurt, but the look on Sam's face made him sit up. He waited a few seconds for Sam to speak, but he didn't.

"Something's wrong?" asked Lucifer, his voice was scratchy. He cleared it and then looked over at the bedside table; there was a glass of water. He took and drank it in one go. He closed his eyes and sighed, feeling exhausted.

"You tell me." Replied Sam quietly.

Lucifer looks down at his hands and then bites down on his lips. "I… guess I'm sorry?"

"How long?"

"Awhile."

"And you were going to tell when, exactly?"

There wasn't any response. Sam was still looking at Lucifer. Lucifer was still staring at his hands.

"Was this… was this real? Were we real?"

"Of course, Sam," Lucifer replied instantly and looked at Sam, with worry in his eyes. "Everything we've been through is real. The only that I've kept a secret is this."

"The fact that you're dying, you mean?" Sam couldn't keep the bite and hurt out of his voice. "The fact that you have months to live? The fact that you are not going to-" he took a shuddering breath and ran his hands in his hair.

"Sam."

Sam stood up and walked towards the bedroom window; it was dark outside; he could see from the streetlights that it was snowing heavily. He heard the springs of the bed and the ruffling of the sheets, and then light steps of feet that led to him. He felt the heat of a body against his back. He closed his eyes and sighed.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Sam whispered.

"I guess I didn't want to see this," said Lucifer and Sam turned around and looked at him. "This." He gestured towards his face. "I didn't want to see the disappointment on your face. I didn't want you to get hurt. I thought it was a good idea to keep you out from it."

"To keep me out?" Sam whispered brokenly. "To keep me out from where exactly? From your life? If it escaped your notice, don't you think it's a bit late to "keep me out" from your life? Don't you think it's too late for keeping such a big thing hidden from me?" By the end, Sam was practically towering over Lucifer and he was close to yelling.

"I know that you're mad and upset, but you have to understand me too, Sam." Lucifer's voice was too calm for Sam's liking.

"Don't I mean anything to you?"

"Of course you do, Sam!"

"Then WHY didn't you fucking tell me?"

"I don't-"

"You thought I wasn't tough enough to hear the truth?"

"No, that's not-"

"Then what did you think? Tell me! TELL ME!"

"I didn't tell you because I didn't want to lose you!" Lucifer yelled.

Silence.

Sam blinked several times, his face inches away from Lucifer's face. They were practically breathing onto each other's face.

"You thought that by telling me the truth about your… condition was going to put me off? You thought that by telling me that you're fatally ill was going to keep me away from you?"

At Lucifer's nod Sam saw red.

"Are you fucking serious right now?"

Lucifer nodded again and looked down.

Sam was breathing heavily.

"I'm sorry, Sam. I know I should've told you before we got together, but I… I guess I wanted to live a normal life. I really didn't want to drag you into my life and I'm sorry for that. I just…"

"You what? You wanted to break my heart in the end? You wanted to leave me… just like that? You leave and I hear nothing from you? With no explanation? One day you're there and then the next day you aren't?"

"That's not how I planned to-"

"'Planned'? You even- you son of a bitch." Sam took a step back and Lucifer did the same. Sam leaned back against the window and ran a hand over his face.

"I'm sorry, Sam. I truly am. I just… I thought I was making the right decision to keep you out from this. From all of this. I really didn't want to get you involved in my life. I really didn't want to."

"I can't be with you right now. I can't look at you right now." Sam shook his head and stood up. He started gathering his clothes from the bedroom. He walked into his room and took his bag. He filled it with his stuff and then shouldered it. He didn't look back as he walked down the stairs.

Lucifer silently followed him down. He stood there, watching as Sam worked up his shoes and shrugged on his jacket. "Where are you going to go?" asked Lucifer in a small voice. There was a catch in his voice, it seemed like he was going to cry, but Sam knew better.

He didn't look at Lucifer as he whispered, "I am going to Bobby's. Don't follow me, don't call me… just don't."

Lucifer let out a shuddering breath as he said, "I'm truly sorry, Sam. I didn't want to cause you any pain. I really do hope you'll forgive me, someday. I'm really and truly sorry. I didn't mean to. Please."

Sam swallowed hard and opened the door and walked out into the night, without looking back, without seeing the hurt in his eyes, without seeing him standing there like a lost man, without seeing him crumpling down on the floor with his head in his hands, shoulders shaking.

Sam walked down the street as fast as he could. It was still snowing but he didn't seem to mind. Nothing made sense anymore. Nothing was important.

He walked towards the bus stop and sat down on the bench. He knew that he couldn't catch a bus at this time of the night, that's why he pulled out his phone and then scrolled down his contacts. His finger hovered over the name for a second and then he clicked the call button, for the first time since he was with Lucifer for the holidays. Three rings later he hears the voice that put his jumbled up thoughts into their rightful places in a second.

"Sammy?"

"Hey, Dean."


	14. Dean Winchester to the rescue

**I'm sorry for the late update, but personal life got in the way.**

**And S9E1 ahgbnkfjad I haven't watched it yet but omg**

**PS: a small edit from the "break-up" scene of the last chapter.**

**(without the spaces)**

art /Higher- Education- Chapter -13 –Secret -Out-4061 08619 ?ga _ submit_ new = 10 %25 3A1 381 300 78 2

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**Chapter 14: Dean Winchester to the rescue**

"Here," Dean passed a beer to Sam, who was sitting on the couch and was looking at the same spot on the table for the last thirty minutes at Bobby's.

When Sam had called, Dean immediately went after him and brought him here. They didn't exchange a single word on their way home, didn't say anything as Sam greeted Bobby and gave him a hug. He then went and took a shower, after that his head was a bit clearer than before, but now sitting in the old living room that he adored so much, his headache was coming back, he was feeling rusty and he felt exhausted.

"Thanks," he said after Dean passed him the beer. Dean nodded and sat beside him. They were alone in the living room.

Cas slipped out of the room as soon as Dean got back and he was in his bedroom, and Bobby was in the garage fixing a friend's car. It was warm inside, but Sam suddenly felt cold. He lifted his legs up on the couch and curled in on himself. Dean took a swing from his beer and looked down. He cleared his throat.

"So uh… do you wanna talk about it?" he asked slowly. He was never good at talking about feelings. It was a big start for him to open up a bit to Cas.

"Talk about what?" asked Sam and looked at Dean; Dean was staring at him and Sam shifted in a more comfortable position. A moment of silence passed between them.

"Why are you here Sam?" asked Dean. "I mean, it's great that you're here, we'll spend the New Year's together, but…" Dean gestured helplessly between them.

Sam cleared his throat and then looked up at the ceiling, his throat suddenly felt too tight. "He lied to me." He whispered finally. Dean didn't say anything; he just sat there and looked down at his bottle of beer. Sam let out a bitter laugh. "He… I'd take him cheating on me a lot more lightly than this."

"So… he didn't cheat on you?"

"No," Sam answered and sniffled. "How did I miss that? I mean, he was alright. He was fine. He didn't… he looked alright to me." Sam broke off and took a shuddering breath.

"What happened, Sammy?" asked Dean gently. He hated seeing Sam like this. He never liked seeing Sam in tears. He knew that Sam didn't realize that he was crying and it broke his heart.

"H-he is dying, Dean." Sam stuttered.

A broken cry left his lips and he covered his face with his hands. Dean placed his beer on the table and then moved closer to Sam. He gently placed his hand over Sam's arm and squeezed it. Sam started to cry in earnest, still hiding his face from Dean, his whole body was shaking.

Dean didn't know what to do. He was shocked to his core. This shouldn't be right. This shouldn't happen to his Sammy. And he was so bad at comforting people, especially when they were crying.

He grabbed his phone from the table and dialed Cas' number quickly. He was sure Cas would be able to be more of a comfort for Sam than him. He didn't need to wait long for Cas to answer.

"Is everything alright?" Was his first line as he answered; his voice was full of concern.

"Uh no, not really," Dean whispered. "I need you to come down here real quick. Sammy's having a breakdown and I have no idea how to deal with this."

"Why? What happened?" Dean could hear him shuffling around the room, probably getting his pants on.

"I have no idea. The only thing that he said before breaking down was that-" Dean choked as he realized that he couldn't say it. It was unbelievable. "Just come down, please."

"Yeah." There was a click and the line went dead. Seconds later Cas bounded down the stairs and walked into the living room finding Dean leaning against Bobby's desk and Sam curled up on the couch, shaking with his cries.

Cas frowned but walked towards where Sam was. He sat down at the edge of the table and placed his hand over Sam's shoulder. "Sam?" He whispered softly. Sam tensed and then slowly turned around.

"Cas?" his voice was scratchy.

"Tell me what happened…" Cas requested, his voice barely a whisper.

"He is dying Cas. H-he didn't tell me that he was…and I-I didn't notice. I didn't know. You've gotta understand that I didn't know." Sam looked at Cas with desperation.

Cas swallowed. "I know Sam, I do know it and I'm so sorry." Cas was shocked but he didn't show it to Sam, because right now Sam needed someone who was strong to hold him up. "Oh, Sam." He whispered in sympathy as Sam started to cry again.

His eyes were red-rimmed, bloodshot, and he looked extremely exhausted. He was tired, so tired.

"I want to sleep. I want to forget. Please tell me it's not happening. Please tell me he is alright. Please Cas." Sam gripped Cas' arm so tight that Cas almost winced, but he held Sam's arm just as tightly.

"Go to sleep Sam. I'll be here when you wake up."

* * *

It had been hours since Sam finally fell asleep.

Dean was standing to the side, constantly rubbing at his eyes, Bobby came in awhile ago and Cas told him what happened to Sam. He silently regarded Sam's posture on the couch, shook his head and then went into his office, shutting the door behind him. Bobby was the kind of a man who didn't ask questions, he'd like to know what happened to his boys, and then he'd wait for them to come to him and talk to him about it, he wouldn't pry or interfere about their lives unless he'd find it necessary. That's what the boys loved about him, amongst the other things.

Cas was sitting on the floor, back resting against the couch, reading his history book. He promised Sam that he was going to be there when he woke up, and he was planning on doing exactly that. He wanted to help Sam as much as he could, because he never really had a friend in his life that cared about him as much as he did. Cas always felt like he could trust Sam with all his existence. Sam had that power around him.

And he could see what Lucifer found in him.

"What do you think Nichols has?" It was Dean who broke the silence first. Cas looked up from his book and sighed; Dean was tensed up, he was leaning against the desk and his knuckles were gripping the edge of it really tight.

"You need to relax, Dean." Cas whispered.

"I am relaxed." Dean hissed back.

Cas licked his lips and looked down at his hands. "I don't know what's Nichols got, but I'm not going to force Sam tell me what it is. He will tell us in his own time, Dean."

Dean sighed and looked down at his feet. "I just want to help Sam." He mumbled under his breath and Cas smiled.

"I know you do. But you've got to give him time. He will open up. Eventually." Dean nodded and Cas held out his hand. "Come here."

Dean walked the small distance between them in two strides and held Cas' hand in his. Cas squeezed his hand and tugged him down. Dean rolled his eyes but flopped down next to him with a grunt. Cas lent back against him, before kissing his cheek. Dean draped his arm over his shoulder and kissed his temple. Cas sighed and opened his book back and continued to read. Dean would occasionally look down at the book, leave a small kiss at the top of Cas' head and then look at Sam's troubled expression as he slept.

He was concerned for him. He hadn't seen Sam like this for years and he had no idea what to do.

He was even seriously considering going and talking to Nichols himself, he wanted to know what happened between them. He knew if he asked Sam another question about their relationship he was going to break down again.

"Whatever you are thinking of doing right now I hundred percent agree with you and I hope you see it through," Cas whispered as he flipped another page of his book.

Dean frowned and looked at Cas' profile, "huh?"

Cas turned around and looked at Dean, "What? Do it."

"What are you talking about? I wasn't thinking anything."

"Really Dean?" asked Cas and looked pointedly at Dean, who blinked and then looked down, shaking his head.

"Jesus, Cas," Dean huffed out a laugh and looked at Cas. "I like you."

Cas' breath hitched and he looked at Dean for a second and then laughed. "I like you, too, Dean."

"Good." Dean leaned in and kissed Cas' lips chastely. Cas sighed and leaned in closer. Dean pulled back, disconnecting their lips with a wet sound; he pecked on his lips softly and then kissed his nose and then his closed eyes. Cas smiled softly as Dean peppered his face with small kisses.

He liked him.

A warm heat spread out throughout his body as the realization settled in. He pulled back and stared at Dean; this was the guy that he had been avoiding for 2 years since he started at their university, they bickered, they hated each other, violent and hurtful words had been said, but looking at the man that was sitting so close to him made Cas realize that it was an act, just an act to keep him safe from unwanted people, from people who would hurt them. But looking at him now, looking at his true self… Cas' heart started to beat faster and he took a deep breath.

"Are you going to do it now?"

"Do what now?"

"Whatever you were thinking."

"Oh! That. Just to make it clear with you, know that it's creepy when you do that," said Dean. Cas only smiled and kissed his cheek.

"Go get them tiger."

Dean snorted as he stood up and fixed his clothes. "Yeah, yeah." He muttered as he walked out of the room and then came back seconds later, walked towards Cas, bent down, kissed him deeply and then walked out of the room leaving a dazed looking Cas behind.

"Idiot," Cas whispered affectionately after him.

* * *

Dean drove through the streets aimlessly. He realized that he had no idea where Nichols lived. He pulled aside from the road and took his phone out. He scrolled down his contacts and then called the person he was absolutely sure would give him the information he needed.

"What?"

"Hey there Charlie," said Dean cheerfully.

"Hey Dean, I didn't recognize your number. What's up?"

"I need a favor. You free?"

"Free as a bird."

Dean chuckled. "Good. Now I want information, an address, to be more specific, of a person. And you know that this will be kept in between us, right?"

Dean could practically hear Charlie rolling her eyes. "Of course, Dean. Forgot with whom you're talking to?"

"No, no." said Dean. He took a steadying breath. "I want you to tell me where Professor Nichols lives."

"Woah! What? Dean, I know you hate the guy, but you don't need to go there and kill him."

"Charlie, no! I'm not gonna do anything to the guy. It's a personal thing. I gotta find out some answers from him. Can you find me the address or not?"

There was a beat of silence and then Dean heard her tapping away on the keyboard he sighed and leaned back against his seat.

"Why do you want it anyway?" asked Charlie.

"You wouldn't believe if I told you why."

"Try me."

Dean debated for a minute. He knew it wasn't his place to say it, knew if even a slight word leaked out Sam was going to be expelled and Nichols was going to lose his job. But this was Charlie. She was secretive and she was a friend. He could trust her.

"If you tell anyone about this I swear I'll-"

"Yeah yeah you'll burn my Xbox and PS and my whole LotR merchandise. We've been through this. Now spill."

"Sammy is seeing Nichols," there was a slight pause from Charlie, but then her typing continued. "And they had this… big fight, or whatever, and Sam's really distressed right now. He didn't tell me what happened, because he had been a crying mess. But I want to know so I can help him. I can't… I can't see him like this, Charlie. He is all I have and seeing him like this breaks me."

"Why won't you back off and wait for them to figure it out themselves?"

"Because I know that Sam likes the guy, and vise versa," answered Dean without a second thought. "And seeing Sam like this makes me… itchy to find out what actually happened. I don't want him to shed a single tear for anyone. Ever."

"If you say so, I still think it's a bad idea and that you should wait."

"I know, but I can't. I need to do something. You know me."

"Gandalf help me, I do." Charlie sighed and then said. "Damn this guy is too secretive, but I managed to get his address. Do you have a pen?"

"Yeah," Dean said but didn't move a muscle as he listened to Charlie as she gave him the address. "Thanks Charlie, I owe you one."

"Yeah, yeah, be careful!"

"I always am." Dean hung up and started the car again.

It took him few minutes to get to Nichols house. It was pretty late but there was a light coming from the windows that Dean assumed was the living room. Dean parked the Impala in front of the house and cut off the engine. Now that he was here he had no idea what was he going to say. It was already passed midnight, well into the night, but Dean being Dean, walked out of the car and strode confidently towards the front door. He knocked three times and waited a minute to hear footsteps coming from inside. They weren't steady and Dean stilled himself as the door swung open and Dean did a double take.

"P-professor?" asked Dean uncertainly. Was it really? He was unrecognizable; his hair was a mess, he had bags under his eyes, he looked gaunt and pale.

"Yeah?" his voice was gruffer than usual. He squinted at Dean and then his eyes widened almost comically. "Oh."

"Do you mind if I come in?" asked Dean. "It's a bit chilly outside and I came to talk to you about Sam."

"I… yeah, of course. Come in," Nichols moved aside and opened the door wider.

Dean nodded as he stepped through the door and looked around him. He was kind of impressed; it looked like a lovely home that was surprisingly warm. He mentally shook his head at his own thoughts. Nichols stumbled into the living room and shut the TV down. He sat down on the couch and rubbed a hand over his face. Dean awkwardly stood in the middle and looked around himself.

"Come sit down Winchester, have a drink," Nichols said and poured him and Dean a good amount of whiskey.

Dean slowly walked towards the couch and sat down. Nichols held out the glass full of whiskey to Dean and Dean took it. Nichols didn't wait for him as he took a large gulp from his own glass and smacked his lips as he swallowed. Dean took a tentative slip, not that he never drunk whiskey, but he was being cautious.

After few minutes of silence Dean watched as Nichols poured himself another glass. Dean frowned but didn't question.

"What are you doing here Winchester?" Nichols asked.

"I'm sure that we both know why I am here, professor."

Nichols looked down at his feet and rubbed his eyes again. "Yeah, I guess."

Dean waited patiently as Nichols gathered his thoughts together. He ran a hand over his hair and sighed. He took another sip from his glass and looked at the table. "How much do you know?"

"I know that you're uh…"

"Dying, yes," he laughed bitterly.

"I've never seen Sam like that. He is so distressed that it's making me… uncomfortable. I want to know what's happening. He said it would've been better if you cheated on him. It would've made this a lot easier for him." Dean sighed. "I have no idea what's happening with you or what made Sam feel like the way he is feeling, but I have to know because I hate seeing him like that and you don't look better yourself. In all honesty you look like shit."

Nichols smiled miserably, but didn't comment on it. "I have stomach cancer. Third stage. As you already know it's fatal and I'm going to die soon." Dean's blood ran cold and he got pale. "When I saw Sam, for the first time, I was… enchanted by him. He was tall, manly, had a brilliant smile, but at the same time he looked like a kid who was filled with sunshine and rainbow. He was adorable. But you already know that, because you're his brother." Dean smiled. "I knew that I was dying. I knew that being or trying to be in a relationship with someone was an extremely bad idea, but I couldn't help myself. Sam was perfect in every way, and I wanted to spend the last few months of my life with a person who would care and like me. Not even love. No. Just someone who would like me enough to give a damn about it."

"What about your family?"

"My parents have been dead for a long time. I only have one brother, Michael, but he and I don't get along well, because of many reasons. He doesn't know about my…condition, nor do I want him to know about it. I'm so sorry that I dragged Sam into my life; I didn't want to upset him or anything. It just… happened. And I'm sorry that Sam is going through it right now, but I'm glad that he left, because he won't have to stick around now and watch me die. I wouldn't want anyone to be at my side when I die."

"You don't even know Sammy, do you?" Dean said with a smile. At Nichols confused look, Dean said. "He'll stick around as long as he will be able to. Even if you kick him out, he is gonna come back as soon as he can. You don't even know how committed he gets to something that he likes. So, no, you lucky bastard. He is gonna come back and you're going to accept him back no matter what."

Nichols looked at him with open shock; his mouth was hanging open and his breathing was ragged. "He will come back?"

"Yes," said Dean with conviction. "He is and you better be nice to him, or you're gonna have me to answer to. Is that clear?"

"Crystal."

"Good."

They sat in silence and Dean felt a lot better. He felt like he did the right thing. He wanted Sam to be happy, and if it meant that he was going to let this douche back into his brother's life, then so be it.

He would have to talk to Sam too, he knew that it'd take a lot longer time to persuade him, but he was willing to go through with it. And he was sure Nichols would be there to help him through the process, because after all, this whole thing was for him and his happiness. Even if it wasn't going to last long.

Dean wanted his brother to be happy.

"Thank you," Nichols voice was a soft whisper. Dean looked as his head lolled to the side and his eyes dropped low.

"Yeah," Dean whispered back.

After a minute he was asleep too.


	15. Memories and troubles

**I'm sorry for the delay guys! I've a writer's block and my best friend was visiting and I was busy fangirling over it. But here's the chapter so yay!**

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**Chapter 15: Memories and troubles.**

Sam felt isolated somehow.

When he got back to the university, he wasn't sure of himself, he wasn't sure if he was ready to come back, but he knew deep down that he needed to move on. He needed to educate himself, to go through the struggle of surviving the day, and most of all he had to endure the fifty minutes of hell.

When he was a kid, he always liked to spend his time in the library, reading novels after novels, dramas, crimes, anything that had something to do with literature. He loved it.

But now, as he sat in his usual seat in the classroom playing with the ragged edge of the book which they were currently reading in his literature class, he felt like he didn't want to be here.

It had been a month. A month since their "break-up". A month since everything turned into ash.

Sam didn't have it in him to forgive him, he felt like he'd never have it in him.

But he'd never fail to notice how his body reacted to the way Lucifer strolled to the classroom and ordered his students to settle down. His voice was pure honey to Sam's ears. Oh how he missed the soft groans it'd make when they were together. His whole body was tingling from the way Lucifer controlled his classroom, asked questions here and there, skipping his eyes over him, lingering on him for a few seconds and then moving on to another student. It'd always make Sam want to leap out of his chair and demand Lucifer to keep his eyes on him.

But he knew he couldn't.

They were talking about something, and the class felt alive. Sam blinked several times, as if he was just catching up on what was happening around him, but he still couldn't hear their voices, he was focused on Lucifer's face. He was smiling. No one could see it, because it was a tiny twitch of a lip, but Sam could see it, because he spent months simply looking at him. There was a tiniest of smile on his face, his eyes looked tired, but they were twinkling with amusement. He said something, Sam could see his mouth moving, and there was laughter from his classmates, but he couldn't hear them.

His breathing turned ragged.

Lucifer said something again which made the students argue between each other, but the others were laughing and Sam was sure that this wasn't a malicious act from Lucifer. He was enjoying his class. For the first time Sam paid attention to his class and realized that it had been like this when they all came back to university. Lucifer wasn't like his old self. He was more relaxed. He was more at ease with his students. It looked like the class was having fun.

Sam couldn't take it.

He started to pack his bag and stumbled down the aisle as fast as he could. The whole classroom quieted down as he practically ran out of the classroom. He didn't see the way Lucifer tensed up as he fast-walked by him.

Once outside Sam walked down the corridor to the far side, away from the classrooms, turned left and then dropped down on the floor, bag making a loud thumping noise as he did so. He was breathing so hard his lungs felt like they were on fire, he tried to calm himself, but couldn't. His jaw quivered as he tried to hold his feelings back, but knew it was a futile attempt. He was going to cry and there was no one around him to tell to stop. He leaned back against the wall and drew his legs up to his chest. He let his tears to stream down his face, fist into his mouth as he tried to prevent him from making any sounds.

His silent cry wasn't lost on Lucifer as he stood just right outside the corner and heard his every small whimper.

* * *

"_Are you ticklish?" Sam wiggled back on the bed as Lucifer practically pounced on him and started to tickle him._

"_No! Stop!" Sam gasped out between deep breathes. He shoved at Lucifer's chest, and seconds later Lucifer stopped and pulled back a little to look down at Sam's face._

_His cheeks were tinted with pink blush, he was breathing heavily and his eyes were bright with laughter. He has never seen so much happiness on anyone's face and it was overwhelming. He leaned in and kissed him softly. When he pulled back Sam had his eyes closed and his lips were parted._

"_What was that for?" he asked, his voice a whisper._

"_Just felt like it." Lucifer replied and leaned in to kiss him more. He felt Sam's arms wrap around his neck and pull him closer, and Lucifer went. When their bare chests touched Lucifer shuddered lightly and moaned at the back of his neck. Sam tightened his hold on him and then wrapped his legs around his waist…_

Lucifer sat up straight in bed, breathing heavily and his whole body was covered in sweat. He felt clammy and he was tired. He looked to the other side of the bed and closed his eyes. It was a dream and it felt real. This wasn't the first time he had a dream like this and he was sure this wasn't going to be his last one either.

He missed Sam.

He missed him like he was a thirsty man craving for water.

It was 4 in the morning and he actually went to bed at 3 something because he couldn't sleep, because he had been thinking about his life and how fucked up it was, but mostly he was thinking about Sam and how he had ruined them both by being a coward. A coward who brought him into his life which was a complete mess by now and he had no idea what to do with it.

The only thing that he could right now was to actually stay away from Sam as much as he could, but it was hard, because as much as he'd like to do it, he couldn't. He was a teacher at the university; he had to see Sam every day in class.

He rubbed a hand over his eyes and remembered the extremely, painfully formal letter he received from Sam saying that he didn't want to have his extra classes anymore with him and that he was thankful for taking the time from his life to spend it with him on the classes. Lucifer didn't even bother to reply back, because he didn't know what to say. Because the way Sam wrote the letter felt like he was talking to a stranger.

It was weird.

But it wasn't something he wasn't used to

He did spend the rest of his day re-reading the letter because it was the first communication he'd had from the boy himself. In the end he deleted the message and pretended he didn't read it and wouldn't admit to anyone that he actually sat in classroom for hours after classes ended and waited for the tall boy to come in through the doors breathless, hair a mess, pink blush on his cheeks, which refused to go away, apologizing over and over again for being late and then sitting down on his usual seat at the front with a smile already in its place on his face.

Lucifer laid back in his bed and huffed out a breath, feeling cold, but it was weird because his room was warm. So he brought the blanket up towards his chest and shivered a bit. He assumed it was his new dose of medicine which Doctor Brown prescribed for him to take for a week to see if he had any allergic reactions to it, or any reaction to it by this time, and this was already his third day of the medicine. And now he felt weak. But he didn't think much about it as he snuggled more into his bed and closed his eyes for a good night's sleep that he needed.

He didn't wake up in the morning.

* * *

"He isn't usually this late, is he?"

"I'm sure he'll show up."

"It's weird to not see him already in the classroom when we come in."

"What if something happened?"

"What if he quit?"

"Oh my God! I don't want him to quit, since he started to loosen up a bit I like being in his class."

"I wonder what happened…"

"Hm?" Sam looked up from his book as Garth sat down beside him, a new bruise forming under his left eye. Sam discreetly ignored it. "What happened?"

"Professor Nichols hasn't showed up this morning and everyone's worried about it."

"He…what?" Sam looked around the classroom and found it with scattered students here and there and Sam frowned. How didn't he notice this? "No one knows what happened?"

"Nope, as far as I know, he didn't even show up this morning. I wonder what happened to him…"

Sam frowned and looked at Garth. "What are you even doing in here? As far as I know we aren't in the same class anymore."

"Oh yeah, didn't you hear? Dude, what the hell is wrong with you?" said Garth cheerfully, but his smile vanished at the face Sam was giving him. "We all were asked out of our classes to come down here for an announcement."

"What announcement?" asked Sam.

"Hey little bro."

"Dean?" Dean dropped down at the seat next to Sam and Sam looked at him like he had grown a second head. "Cas?"

"Hello, Sam."

"What the hell are you guys doing here?"

"They called us in on a meeting here, so fuck if I know." Dean shrugged and leaned back on his chair and observed everyone. He nodded here and there seeing some of his friends.

Sam looked at Cas for some sort of clue but he only got a shrug from him, but his eyes were full of concern and Sam frowned at that, but he appreciated the concern nonetheless. Although he still didn't know what was happening.

The door to the classroom opened and in walked a man who was unrecognizable to them. He walked towards the center of the classroom and placed his case on it and regarded the gathered students.

"I'm Professor Nelson your new Literature professor."

"Excuse me, what?" someone said in a raised voice. Sam fought to breathe. New Professor? Why?

"Where's Professor Nichols?"

"What's happening?"

"Is he alright?"

"Did he get fired?"

"I don't think he'd get fired. He was, and is, no disrespect, sir, the best Lit professor we ever had." There was a murmur of agreement from the older classes.

Everyone turned and looked at Nelson. He looked down at his feet and then sighed. "Better get over it." he muttered under his breath.

"As you all know, or didn't know, Professor Nichols was fatally ill." There were gasps throughout the classroom. Sam looked down at his hands and fought back the tears. He didn't want to break down in front of these people. Not now, not ever. Nelson continued, "He has been admitted to the hospital this morning due to the fact that his health got worse. The doctors are working on him and we all hope he'll be with us soon. That's all you have to know for now."

"Is he alright?"

"What does he have?"

"And he was just turning into a normal human being."

"Hey! Watch it!" It was Sam who snapped and everyone swiveled around in their seats to look at him. Sam clenched his jaw and his knuckles turned white from balling them up in a fist. He took one steadying breath and looked around the classroom. "Mr. Nichols is a human being you're just an ass to not notice it. He is more of a human then you could ever imagine." He stood up, chair clattering back, gathered his bag and shoved his way past the crammed up students. He distinctly heard voices calling after him, but he didn't turn to look back. He needed to get out of here and find out what was happening to _his_ Lucifer.

He fast-walked through the corridors, good thing he didn't stumble upon anyone, and went outside and started to walk towards the bus stop that was at the corner of the university. He didn't know where he was going to go, but he knew only one hospital that was in town so he decided to go there. If only the bus would hurry…

He heard a rumbling noise first, which was followed by the black Impala of his brother's. She rumbled towards him and Sam bent down to see Dean and Cas sitting inside the car, grinning at him like the two fools that they were.

"What the hell are you guys doing here?"

"Taking you to your boyfriend of course," said Cas, bright smile and all.

"Boyfriend? Seriously?" Dean grumbled.

"What? I can't really call him "man-friend". It sounds odd. Boyfriend suits them."

Dean simply looked at Cas, as Sam climbed in the back seat.

"I swear if you call them "cute" I'll just-"

"You'll just what? You do know they look cute together."

"Jesus, Cas." Dean started the car again and they rode in silence.

"You're a jerk," piped up Cas.

"Why am I a jerk? Because I don't find them cute?" Dean growled. "Cas, come on. Have you actually looked at Nichols? There's nothing cute about him, no offense bro," Sam only hummed. "He looks… scary." Cas chuckled. "I'm serious, have you seen the way he looks at his students when they get the answer wrong? The dude's scary."

"He has changed." Sam's voice was quiet, and distant. Both Cas and Dean stayed silent.

Sam leaned his head against the window and looked out. It was a gloomy day, the streets were cleared of the snow, but it looked like it was going to snow again soon. That's when it hit him.

He was on his way to see Lucifer for the first time since their break up. Yes, they did see each other at the university, but this was different. They were going to be face to face, actually talking. Or not. He closed his eyes and swallowed hard. He didn't know what to expect, how he'd look, if he was going to be asleep, or awake. Would he want to talk to him? Or even see him?

"Here we are." Dean said after a minute of silence.

Sam looked up as they parked in front of the hospital. He was nervous as hell. His hands were shaking and sweating, and he wanted nothing more than to go back in time and forget about this whole thing. Dean got out of the car and walked around it. Cas turned in his seat and looked at Sam.

"You alright?"

"I'm scared." Sam admitted softly and looked down at his shaking hands; he clasped them together to prevent their shakiness.

"Why are you scared?" Cas' voice was full of concern.

"Because I don't know what's waiting for me there. I don't know what he'll look like. Or if he'll want to see me… I'm scared of the unknown. This is all new to me and I don't know what to do with it. I wish…" Sam stuttered and squeezed his eyes shut.

"I know." Cas whispered and didn't say anything. Sam was grateful for that. Dean knocked on Cas' window and Cas held up a finger, Dean nodded and leaned against the car. "I know you're afraid of the unknown, but you have to be strong not only for you, but also for him."

Sam looked at Cas for a second and then nodded, lip tight from nervousness.

"Good," Cas smiled and then opened the door and got out, Sam followed suit.

"Ready?" he asked them and Dean shrugged, while Cas nodded enthusiastically. "Okay," Sam muttered and the three of them walked towards the front doors of the hospital.


	16. It was alright

**I don't know what to say here, but crying!Sam and comforting!Lucifer.**

**Reviews will be appreciated :)**

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**Chapter 16: It was alright.**

Sam was looking down at his feet as the three of them walked down the corridor of the hospital. He was afraid of looking up. He listened as nurses ran this and that way, he heard a doctor getting called to the third floor through the speakers. He was startled as Castiel called out his name and he looked up and saw him looking at him with raised eyebrows. They were in front of the registry and the nurse was looking at him almost looking bored. When did they make it here?

"What?" he asked Castiel, acting as if nothing happened to him a second ago.

"We have to give her the name of his doctor so you can get a permission to go and see him. Do you know the doc's name?" asked Castiel softly.

"Uh yeah. It's Doctor Brown."

"She is a really good doctor," said the nurse and then smiled at him. Sam only nodded. She called out the doctor's name through the speakers and the only thing the boys could do was wait.

"Okay?" asked Dean and Sam looked at him, after a moment he nodded and smiled a soft smile. He looked around himself and realized how white hospitals are. He blinked several times to get adjusted to the whiteness. Some of the walls were covered in sponsor ads, some of them were medical related ads. Sam wondered how many patients this hospital held right now and how many of them were being treated respectfully, before he could think more about that a woman's voice brought him back to reality and he swirled around to see a middle-height, young woman with a pretty face. She was smiling at the nurse and talking to her softly.

"Thank you, Margaret." She said to her and then looked at the three boys standing not far from her. "So, with what can I help you boys?"

The three of them look at each other awkwardly until Dean elbowed Castiel and he stumbled forward. "Uhm hi, I'm Castiel and this is Dean and Sam. We were thinking if-if it was possible for uh S-Sam to see Lucifer Nichols?"

"Sam?" Doctor Brown looked at Sam and then went, "Oh…" her eyes went wide and then said. "Oh! You are Sam? _The_ Sam?"

Sam narrowed his eyes and looked at Brown, "Uhm…yeah?"

"My, my, but you are a looker. I didn't know Lucifer had it in him, can't blame him for being all over the place for you and murmuring your name in his sleep when we sedated him."

"He-what?" Sam took a small step forward. "Is he alright?"

"He is… stable."

Dean and Castiel released calming breaths. Sam frowned. "For how long?"

"I can't give you a date, but I can safely say he still has time to live," she looked down at her watch and sighed. "I have to see a patient right now."

"Can I see him?" Sam said quickly and Dean looked sideways at Castiel, who was watching at Sam.

Brown looked at Sam for a minute and then slowly nodded. "Sure, though he is asleep right now. He'll wake up soon. He'll like the company, I'm pretty positive. Follow me."

Dean and Castiel said their goodbye to him and told him to call as soon as he could. They had to go back to the university and they told him they'd cover up for him there. Sam was grateful to them for doing such thing.

It was rare for the brothers to hug, but given the circumstances that Sam was in, Dean hugged him real tight and Sam felt some of the tension that he didn't realize was pent up in him ease away. Castiel just smiled at him and waved as he and Dean walked down the corridor. Sam had the small view of them holding hands as they walked out of the front door. He turned around as Brown cleared her throat and started to walk down the corridor and Sam followed her.

Sam admired the way Brown worked. He didn't say anything, didn't show how eager he was to get to Lucifer's room, but he stood back and waited for her to answer to nurses questions and see some patients.

"This year has been crazy," she commented. "I didn't know how many people are suffering from some things." Sam nodded and didn't comment, because honestly he didn't know what to say. Brown continued. "When Lucifer came in here for a checkup, he was a douche bag," Sam looked at her sharply. "Yes, and you very well know it. Don't give me that look. Anyways, while he was a douche bag, still is mind, he was… nice also. But it was creepy and I didn't trust his "nice"-ness but then I learned more about him and got to know him and he seemed to be a good guy. And then we started hanging out and stuff. And then he told me about you."

Sam perked up at that. "What about me?"

"Oh that is a story to be told another time. Here we are." They stopped in front of the door and Sam took a deep breath. "Ready?"

"No," and he was horrified as his eyes started to well up with tears.

"I know that you're afraid, Sam, but the man inside this door needs you. He has changed, yes, I don't deny it, but he needs you." Sam nodded and took a calming breath. "Before you go in, few things. He was really shaken up by the time I found him. He could've been dead by now, but luckily for all of us he isn't."

"What do you think happened?" Sam asked his voice husky.

"I think he took a bit higher dose before going to sleep and it affected him somehow. He isn't allowed to take more or less from what I've prescribed to him. Guess he was distracted somehow."

"Yeah, maybe," Sam looked down at his feet and shook his head. "But how is he? Really, cause I have no clue what to expect there." He pointed to the door.

"As I said he is stabilized right now, but we have to tread cautiously. He needs to have constant care from now on and to take his medicine at appropriate time and at appropriate measures, but knowing him he'll agree to disagree."

"Of course," Sam pursed his lips and run a hand over his face. Sam took yet another calming breath and then rested his hand on the doorknob.

"Sam?"

"Yes?"

"Don't stress him out too much, please. He is still recovering."

Sam nodded and then opened the door, walked in and closed it after him. The room was dark; the only source of light was from the firmly curtain-closed windows. It was a gloomy day outside and listening closely Sam realized it was raining. Sam walked further into the room and looked to his right where the bed was and froze.

Lucifer was lying down in a big bed, covered with thick blankets and had two pillows under his head. He was white, almost transparent. He had all sorts of tubes connected to his body and he had an inhaler over his mouth. His breathing was ragged, but his heartbeat was steady.

Sam moved towards the bed and sat down at the chair that was close to it. Looking closely he could see the bags under his eyes, the chapped lips, how messy his hair was and his chin was covered in stubble. Sam bit his lip as he lightly touched Lucifer's hand that was lying on top of the blanket. It felt smaller, lighter somehow, but he knew deep down, that he was just being paranoid. He did lose some weight, as Sam looked at Lucifer's body; he realized that he didn't pay much attention to his body. He was skinnier somehow, and it made Sam's mind reel. He was even afraid to press his lips at the back of Lucifer's hand, as if a mere touch would turn it into dust.

He looked dead.

Sam closed his eyes and rested his forehead at the edge of the bed. A wrecked sob left his lips and he tried to control himself, but failed. He started to cry in earnest, not being able to even try to be quiet. He couldn't hold it back anymore. He couldn't keep it in him. He felt like a loser. Every time he tried to be closer to someone they ended up having a way of leaving him. He didn't want them to do that. He didn't want Lucifer doing that to him either. He wanted to be with him as long as he could, as long as they could last. But faith wasn't by his side, it seemed, so he had to suffer from it. He clutched the blankets in his fists, trying to regain some sort of control, but failing miserably.

A hand dropped down at the top of his head and the touch felt so familiar that Sam let out such a loud sound that Lucifer's fingers gripped his hair real tight.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," Sam kept saying between deep breaths. "I don't want to lose you."

"You're not gonna lose me," his voice was rough and so familiar, Sam felt comforted by it somehow.

Lucifer's hand continued to stroke his hair; occasionally he would grip the back of his neck tightly. He was comforting Sam in a way he only possibly could; silently and gently. Sam felt selfish for allowing Lucifer doing that to him, because it was supposed to be the other way around. Lucifer was the one, who needed his support, but here he was, bawling his eyes out and greedily taking anything that Lucifer was giving him. He realized that this was the life he was going to spend with Lucifer. This was the only thing he and Lucifer were going to do; light touching, being careful around each other, taking care of Lucifer, doctor's appointments, spending endless days in the hospital. Sam wanted it all. He was willing to be with Lucifer no matter what; after all he needed his help.

After a moment Sam pulled back and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. "God, I'm such a mess." He chuckled his throat and mouth was dry.

"No, you're not a mess," Lucifer said, his voice still rough but so soft that Sam looked up at him. He was watching him with half-closed lids and a small content smile was on his lips. Sam's heart did a double-flip.

"Uhm I'll just go and wash my face real quick," Sam awkwardly stood up and walked into the small bathroom that the room had and closed the door after him. He quickly washed his face and then looked at himself in the mirror. He could do this. He took another deep breath and then walked out of the bathroom. Lucifer's eyes were closed and Sam thought he'd fallen asleep, but as he sat back down on the chair, his eyes opened and looked at him. Sam swallowed and then licked his lips. Even in this state, Lucifer still managed to look as beautiful as Sam remembered him from all the times they'd spent with each other.

"Somehow, with how bad you look right now, you still manage to look beautiful." Sam said almost conversationally, that earned him a cheeky grin from Lucifer and it made his heart stutter.

"And you still manage to look beautiful even though your eyes are all puffy and red," Lucifer complimented back and Sam blushed.

"Shut up," he shifted in his seat but he was smiling nonetheless.

"Okay," said Lucifer and then turned his head to look at the closed windows.

"Do you want me to open up the curtains for you?" asked Sam. Lucifer only shrugged and didn't say anything. Sam walked towards the windows and opened the curtains. It was drizzling by now, but it was still cloudy and it was darker. Sam leaned against the cold window and closed his eyes, liking the coolness of it. Now that Lucifer was awake he didn't know what to do. He knew they had to talk about this, but somehow he didn't have it in him to start the subject. He didn't want to fight, he didn't want to talk, and he definitely didn't want to think.

That's why he moved back from the window and made his way towards the bed. "Scoot over," Lucifer smiled up at him but moved over a bit to make room for Sam's larger frame. Sam, being careful of the tubes, kicked his boots off and then laid down beside Lucifer and turned to his side to get closer to him.

"Hello," Lucifer whispered.

"Hi," replied Sam.

Sam's eyes were soft as he looked at Lucifer's face hungrily. He hadn't seen this face so close to his for a very long time and he was willing to stay here, in this bed with him, and to simply look at him. He missed him. He missed him so much that it was killing him.

"I really want to kiss you, but I don't know if I'm allowed to," said Sam in stage-whisper.

Lucifer's lips quivered at the ends from restrained smile. "Technically you aren't allowed in this bed right now, but no one knows that you're here, so I don't see the problem why not."

Sam let out a shaky laugh and then he hoisted himself up on his elbow. He carefully moved Lucifer's inhaler from his mouth and then leaned in to kiss him. It was soft and sweet. Lucifer's lips were dry and Sam took it on himself to wet them up a bit. So he ran his tongue over the slightly parted lips and then slipped his tongue in. Lucifer's tongue stroked his as soon as they connected.

As the kiss proceeded to a more heated one, Lucifer's heartbeat monitor started to make faster beeping sounds and Sam reluctantly moved back, but not before biting down on his lower lip first. The monitor made an odd sound and Sam chuckled.

"That was interesting," Sam said, tilting his head to the side and looking at the monitor, which was surely, but slowly, going back to its normal pace.

"I wonder if we can buy one so I can try this method on you and see how you'll react," Lucifer mused out loud and Sam smiled down at him. He leaned in and kissed his forehead and then gently placed his inhaler back to his mouth.

Lucifer groaned, "I don't like this thing. It makes this whole thing look more serious than it actually is."

Sam only shook his head in amusement and then laid back down. Lucifer turned his head towards Sam and smiled. "Thank you for coming," he said his voice a whisper. His eyes were drooping and it looked like he was about to fall asleep. The whole interaction might've exhausted him. It was alright.

"Don't mention it." Sam whispered back and kissed his forehead again.

It was alright.


End file.
